Yes, thank you. I came here to tell people how to clean their bongs if they start tasting like a gourmet restaurant. Get the 91% alcohol, soak for hours if it is really dirty, add some huge salt bits, the grinders largest option, put fingers and hands over and in all holes, hold tightly, and shake, shake, shake.…

Can you unsee the Jennifer Aniston?

God, help me. Give me a musty, Dewey corner full of awesome books and I will be happy forever.

Lol @ the hours I spent learning the Dewey Decimal system. Somehow I knew the futility even then.

No kidding! I came here to say just as much. There are far too few of us mutant freaks that don’t refuse to play your ‘games of the ordinary’.

Even more hilarious : Fart on the pillow and say nothing.

None! Who needs light when your eyes are swollen shut?

Fwiw, Ricky Martin looks miserable. I bet he dreams about awesome food all the time. That’s all I did when dieting & working out to perfection. Sometimes a goddamn doughnut can save your sanity like a floating ring in the ocean.

The goal isn’t to “Be Blonde” but to let the powerful know, “I will ‘go blonde’ for you. Anything you want me to be...

Think about it... this means that raccoons think we are dirty. More dirty than raccoons. They may be correct....

Yes.

I genuinely hope she started wondering was hasn’t gone into his butt. A much shorter list, I am sure.

Thank god, he has yet to metastasize to my brain.

Yeah! Judas, you dipshit.

WWJD about his bunghole desires? WWJD?

I’m making a playlist for my musical tampon starting with “She’s A Bad Mamma Jamma....” Any suggestions?

That Hogwarts ride has broken 4/4 times I was on it. Once before, once just as it started before we really went anywhere and twice up, on, in the ride. Never again.

Creative Writing Tip #1 - Write only in casual, inspired Brilliant Bits, as you do all the time. I know you have stories to tell lady. I know you do.

Creative writing tips or Patrick Stewart first?

Also, I would like to share creative writing tips and tell you about the time Gawker screwed me over when I met Patrick Stewart.