True story: One of my very white, very affluent, very Republican co-workers recently told all of us that she thinks that if people have to identify their race on a government form, they should have to do away with Affirmative Action.

Here's my super-fast shucking method. It's legit because I'm a born and bred Hoosier:

I can barely feel ok about the number of sex dreams I have about Batman already. How dare they throw this at me now.

In the words of Jack Donagy, "Oh God, here comes my childhood!"

I adopted a dog on Friday for $5 during a local animal shelter's $5 adoption weekend promotion. According to their Facebook page, this promotion got over 100 dogs and cats adopted in a single day (this is a small shelter, too), and it was only advertised over social media.

Aww, sweet girl can't free-hand her own eyebrows on. You'd think she'd hire someo—

Boy, I could get *rull* deep into an accidental D/s situation with some republican whack-job.

Cultures with higher meat consumption (especially processed meats) tend to have higher cancer rates and cancer deaths. I say eat what makes you feel good. Meat doesn't make everyone feel good, but a lot of people don't know that because meat is sold to us, again, as a "necessity" when it's absolutely not for either…

Going vegan is only "hard" if you try to replicate meat dishes with meatless substitutes. Once again, the problem lies in going vegan within a culture that over-emphasizes the "necessity" of meat at every meal. Of course it's hard to enjoy spaghetti if you've always had the richness of meat sauce or meatballs, but…

Do you think she got confused and was actually trying to submit to McSweeny's?

Call it "The Joaquin Phoenix Effect."

Midwesterer here.

I fainted somewhere between Lake Bell, my spirit animal, Tig, Offerman, and Ken Marino.

In the Cyrus' defense, the Celebrity/Bratz Doll marriage is rife with obstacles.

I thought people like this were usually termed "Bunny" and "Jack" or somesuch in their older years. I submit these for consideration also:

Buffy & Sarge

"BEAUTY MUST BE A STRUGGLE OF SELF-DENIAL BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF. REBEL WILSON DOES NOT STRUGGLE TO MAINTAIN AN ARTIFICIAL BODY IMAGE AS I DO DAILY THEREFORE I DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE HER ATTRACTIVENESS."

Here's the deal: sunscreen is in everything, and sometimes it's harder to avoid it in some products.

Let me drop this on you:

In a way, it makes sense: a guy who has been playing games his whole life is used to learning a certain number of finite rules and learns to never question that system once he's mastered it. So he's grown up in this system that is unkind to women and working mothers. He's a financier: not very creative but skillful…

I started juicing because yes, I am a baby and I cannot be made to eat my vegetables. I'm one of those really insufferable chil-dults who buys a shitload of veggies at the farmers market and lets half of them rot in the fridge.