Hot tip: it's well-known in band circles that marching band is full of sexed-up weirdos. Put a call out for traveling marching band orgy stories and you'll get a big enough cache for a year of clicks.
Ugh, Jezebel, could you please go back to being the cool middle-older sister of feminist media? Like, the one who doesn't give a shit what E! does with bodies because it's nothing new? I just want to go back to, you know, real media criticism instead of like "OMG UGHHHH LOOK AT THIS BODY SHAMING WHO WOULD DO THAT…
He is not.
I should have known that the night was going to end more than a little sideways when my friend group's version of David Wooderson cornered me shortly before midnight to ask me out. It was unseasonably warm for December 31 in the midwest, and this particular congressman's children were separated from the honorable…
NYE orgy in a prominent former congressman's hot tub.
Goddamnit, I wish enough people wanted to work at my company that I could make up a version of this instead of ever looking at a resume. I hire so many writers who don't know what basic editing symbols look like, I would murder babies to give out a test instead of read personal statements.
You will diagram sentences…
Zits happen because of three factors: oil, bacteria, and skin cells. I would guess that either you weren't exfoliating enough or you weren't maintaining a good bacterial balance on the skin, which meant that you might have been killing off your balancing bacteria with too much cleansing or not controlling the bacteria…
As a beauty professional, there are 3 things that I recommend to everyone to make their skin better: stop using surfactants (especially oily-skinned folks!) and cleanse with oil, use plant oils instead of lotions which are mostly chemicals and fillers, and make it bacteria-friendly by just leaving it the fuck alone…
Uhhh, wow, I'm super-duper sorry about who didn't hug you enough as a child, but you don't "develop a personality" or keep yourself in shape in order to feel lovable, do you? I'm very worthy of love now as a fit and productive person (and am getting it), just as I was when I was fat and unemployed and loved very much…
It's good that you're relatively attractive, what with your being dead inside and all.
No one "deserves" a relationship or love, but everyone deserves to feel worthy of both.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Girl, get yourself a different partner. ProTip: I find that the more a guy likes seeing you enjoy food, the more he'll want to focus on getting you off. Dump ANY dude that's not invested in your pleasure. Period.
If anyone plans to journey to my breeding grounds to try the new Arby's sandwiches, let me know and I bet my parents will let you borrow a guest room. For the full Evansville experience, my father will also give you some of his diabetes medication.
Yeah, King of Dads fo sho. Grand Poobah of Paternal Awesomeness.
It's a shame that the NFL has created an environment where intelligent, emotionally balanced young men like Martin don't want to stick around. Imagine how different the reputation of professional athletes would be if the league nurtured personalities like Martin's.
Pretty sure that's what you do when life gives you ginger.
Is it because his pecs are popped, essentially, "for work"? And his work happens to be as a pro wrestler.
Feelin' you on the awkward and uncomfortably big crush on The Rock. At the very least, you know you're in for a real show of caloric prowess. Unf.