Knox said it wasn’t even the first time that student had offered him her grandpa’s ashes.

Just like when I took Algebra i always checked adjacent peoples tests just to make sure they weren’t cheating off mine

Jesús is now on the 3-day disabled list.

I’m a Boston fan. Let him talk smack. Either he’ll back it up, or he’ll look like Aaron Judge.

What I love about Marshawn Lynch’s No Answers© is that he’s not much of a shit-talker off the field (as far as I could tell). So when reporters ask him questions and he gives them nothing, it’s right in line with his personality. Ramsey is a known shit-talker but all of the sudden, after getting his ass handed to him,…

Guys, it’s not Patriots fans who suck. It’s people from Massachusetts. 

Dear NFL: The Browns are a legitimate team this year. Please rotate a decent officiating group to their games instead of the All Narcoleptic Crew. The Monday apologies are nice, heart-warming, but ultimately a cold dish of gruel.

God damn. This breaks my heart, at least in part because it’s so close to my experience growing up as a Niners/Giants fan. I was at the last Niners game at Candlestick and my father (a long time season ticket holder) actually purchased his physical seats (they’re in his garage right now).

As a high school teacher... I’m really not excited for this.

I remember once, my kickboxing instructor took me to a bar, and made me dance with another man’s girlfriend. Well, he obviously did not take kindly to it, and I dance-fought with him and all his buddies. Was it a good idea? Certainly not. Did I learn a valuable lesson?

Browns fan. I don’t know how to express my reaction to this game other than to say I can’t believe that I can’t believe it. Of course we found yet another way to lose a football game.

“C’mon, just have one drink. What’s the worst that could happen?”

The freakin’ possum captured at the Browns/Jets game will be signed as an NFL quarterback before Colin Kaepernick.

Saving this in case anyone asks me what is the difference between a geek and a nerd. 

They don’t try to hurt people?! They blew up Vince McMahon’s limo and killed him!

He’s a Viking so he probably would have missed when it counted. 

It’s a well defined system.

Serious question: why wasn’t this illegal use of hands to the face? I’ve always wondered about the offense-defense double-standard when it comes to trying to smash your opponent’s head, and I’ve always been too lazy to look into it.

*48 hours later, a bloated corpse washes ashore, obvious signs of suicide. The man is only identifiable by his striped polo featured on an amateur chopped episode*

These shirts serve an important role in society: They easily identify people you should avoid talking to at all costs.