To be perfectly honest, even if you give your kid a reasonable name, chances are I will still hate your baby.

The Hepatitis A's

I lost my shit at Jay Cutler's handwriting and "Age: 30 1/2." These are marvelous.

You should probably see a doctor.

That poor freshman. He had no idea what he was in for when the coach told him that he'd have to ride the pine for awhile.

I may be mistaken, but does that tattoo say "If found, return to gutter."?

What?

The more important question is, why the fuck do you get push notifications from ESPN??

Not sexy enough.

- This thing

for those who prefer that pesky video format

If you hit that little sideways triangle (the "play" button), the video will play and you can see the action.

And if they're not, can they be? they've been a particularly annoying "innovation".

F*** YOU KINJA HOPE YOU TEAR YOUR ACL ON FRIDAY

[Tiger lines up putt in front of man in T-shirt reading:

I thought it was generally policy to not show it when an idiot runs on the field...

It's always a good time to cut away from soccer.

Overused

What is that guy, an elephant? Her head was a good foot from his groin.