I grew up thinking I was hunchback of Notre Dam level ugly thanks to my mom “being honest” and I have such a fucked up sense of how I actually look. I spent a significant part of my teenage years as a social recluse. My mom used to tell me (as a tween) that when I start working I should put away my paychecks and save…

The boys are both ultra-pale with no base tan to provide any protection.

If you have a PetSmart near by take your dog there to be socialized. Ask an associate what the least busy time of day for your store is. The associates there are all trained to properly great dogs and know how to read a dog’s body language. Chances are the associates are also used to working with scared unsocialized…

This is bizarre to me because NONE of the Mart of Walls around here play music except around xmas.

One time I was in a dive bar in NYC and these really drunk guys thought I was Cyndi Lauper so I played along for bit. It was weird because I think they really, really thought I was Cyndi.

The Depo shot was free under my last insurance (United HC). It was the only one I got while on that. Currently off bc at the moment.

Opening week for a new McDonald’s by my work... I order something simple, a number 2 meal which is two cheeseburgers. I asked for no pickles or onions. My order took fucking forever and when I finally get it there is a 3rd “burger” and by that I mean there is a pair of buns full of pickles and onions. I guess the guy…

I have a different Moving Comfort bra and it's amazing. By far my most comfortable (and most flattering) sports bra. Pretty sure it's the FineForm. Got it on clearance so I really should go back and get another because $50 bras are way the fuck out of my price range.

I have a different Moving Comfort bra and it's amazing. By far my most comfortable (and most flattering) sports bra.…

Replace dad with mom and add in mom not being able to come pick you up because she got arrested for DWI and also add in that it’s snowing. I wound up walking home (6 miles) in my light jacket (it’s hot inside the gym) and nearly got hit by a plow while I was on the shoulder of the highway. Such a FML moment. My bro…

Not me, but while I was at the last middle school dance I ever went to this guy wearing white shorts shit himself. He just kept on dancing and acting like nothing happened until a chaperone escorted him to the bathroom and sent him home.

I am ready to be done with depo. Not having any periods is awesome but the 20 lbs I gained and the thinning hair and 0 sex drive are not.

I used to work with an "i don't eat meat and I don't eat vegetables either" person. She didn't eat meat because it "wasn't healthy" and didn't eat vegetables because they were "disgusting". She basically just ate carbs and loooooots of sugar. When we would all eat out as a group she usually just ordered a dessert...…

I still have 3 pairs of Jnco jeans and 1 pair of Kikwears in the bottom of my closet and I am not ashamed! I remember arriving to Air Force bootcamp in a pair of Jncos.

The 535s are amazing. I have yet to find a pair of jeans as comfortable. Plus they hold up to working in a pet store, most of my work khakis rip after like 3 months. I love the fit of my Machine jeggings, and I love that aren't too long, but they are just not as comfy as the 535s. Those 535s have the perfect rise in…

For some reason the bottom of every pair of pants ever seems to twist around on my left leg, so Kayne, if you want to follow me around all day and fix that shit for me go right ahead.

Papa John's is the worst.

Indeed. While not actually rotten it really does have that rotting taste to it.

LOL. I told my mom I'd rather stick with the meatballs and lingonberries. My dad grew up with the 50s jello salad/ aspic grossness. My grandma's lack of cooking skills lead to him learning how to make really fucking good food so there's that at least.

Um... I was told it was the dish of my people and we don't eat it because we like it, we eat it because we have always eaten it. Like I said, it's 90% lye so you don't have any taste buds left after the first couple of bites so it doesn't really matter. Also, much like in the King of the Hill episode, it will give you…

The first bite is so awful (if you can even get past the smell to get it in your mouth) but then it liquifies your tongue and entire digestive track so you stop noticing. It's slimy and I remember it tasting like rotten fish and pee. It made my mouth burn and I think that it is responsible for the lack of enamel on my…