Touching you without your permission can be assault. Check the law where you live.

H1N1 didn’t manifest as a huge pandemic precisely because of the desperate preparations. People did what they were told: get a flu shot, wash their hands often, cover their cough and stay home when they were sick.

As fuck.

The Queen is so cute and cuddly!!!!!!

I’m convinced that this is some kind of fucked up, crazy, The Leftovers-type Rapture.

Motherfucking THIS.

I use FaceTime so people don’t feel like they actually need to visit me. “I just saw you yesterday, Aunt Em!”

I love when this happens. Two hours of excruciating birthin’ baby-type contractions then *plip* * plop plop PLOP*... *PLOP* All done!

Oakland, CA!

Or by these for $1.49 at Lucky’s. They taste exactly the same. And I’m a person who haaaaates generic/knockoff products. They’re so good that I took them to a party on a fancy plate and those rubes thought they were gourmet.

Mental illness is no excuse for being an asshole.

“Ooooohhhh, I’m just gonna take some time to really learn to love myself” and “oooohhh, I need to make sure I’m surrounding myself with positive energy at all times”

Mexico has universal healthcare for Mexican nationals. The larger cities have really good hospitals.

It's ok to laugh at a clown.

Owning a Barbour jacket is like being part of a secret club. On the rare occasion I see someone wearing an authentic Barbour, we nod gravely at each other as we pass. I've got the motorcycle jacket with a picture of Steve McQueen on the inside pocket, all secret like.

Who is that in the photo? He looks Vulcan.

You are soooo going to hell. — Jesus.

Christie is Augstus Gloop.

“Did you sit there in school and loudly proclaim, “BUT I NEVER DID THAT!” anytime some unfavorable history 100 years ago came up?”

Groce.