Soap.

Then stop referencing behavior that happens in in fucking junior high. And the key word in your comment is UNSOLICITED. It's silly and annoying when you're 13 years old. It's downright frightening when you're an adult and ostensibly able to decipher social cues. Your sense of entitlement is astounding and your…

Big fat motherfucking THIS. Ugh. You diminish a woman's humanity by referring to her the way you would an animal. Labels matter.

Hah! I can't wait to use this logic in a meeting at work. Better yet, in a fight with my boyfriend.

I fucking LOVED these guys.

Only if Chris Pratt starred as Funky Joe.

Ha! I'll take a schizophrenic over a borderline personality any day. A narcissist will use sex to impress and control. Maybe that's why your guy was so good? Joe was nowhere near narcissistic. I think he was a good lover because he just lived in the moment.

Here's one:

Funky Joe in the flesh!!

Joe was schizophrenic with benign auditory hallucinations. He was not at all violent. He was smelly but strangely not dirty or poorly groomed. If he were talking into a cell phone, you would not peg him as mentally ill. He had a clear understanding of his condition and could speak intelligently about it. He was as…

LOL!!

I'm a girl who loves planes and I could fap to this article right here. Yes. You totally wanted to know that.

OMG. Same thing with 2)! I was counting the cash I stole while sitting at the bus stop in a sketchy hood at 2am. A whopping $7.

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

WTF is it with English professors?! I fucked another one and was like, "Is this a thing with you guys?!"

I fucked the groundskeeper in the garden shed of the church next door to my house. He was hot in a Vincent D'Onofrio Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead kind of way. He was 6'4" and muscular but a little soft around the middle, with a hairy butt and a girthsome dick. He had thick hair and long eyelashes. He bent me…

You can have my Spanx when you pry it from my cold, dead ass.

Check your privilege. Seriously.

The bipolar mom might be the sanest of them all.