Go home, pandas. You're drunk.

Go home, goat. You're drunk.

lol

Finding your roommate's mom in your bed would be totally unsettling — in a weird way, more so than finding her dad there.

Not to mention the environmental damage her three cats do and the resources it takes to feed them.

I'm totally going to say that to Militant Vegan Chick at work, just to fuck with her dumb ass.

My mom never explained. But my mom would also pick up the phone before it rang and was a finder of lost things.

When we escaped from my dad, my mom rented a house in Riverside, Ca. The week we moved in, my grandfather died. He was a homeless alcoholic and I'd only met him once very briefly when I was a small child. What I remember most about him is his homeless wino funky smell.

BIG FAT MOTHERFUCKING THIS.

Even if I didn't know he was a criminal, I still would not think he's all that hot. Now, THIS guy with the hair and the brilliant mind and the clear water eyes. That's my kind of hot.

Or mustaches.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!!

The Lincoln assassination conspirators have dude BEAT:

that kitten higher than a muthafucka.

Judging by these guys, not much.

I cannot wait to use "I don't know your life."

I must be suffering from some type of horrified hysteria because "pants-on-head retarded alibi" is making me LMAO.

Dress #2 is cute!