Everything is okay if it irritates an imaginary college professor somewhere.

If you ask me, this whole Defenders thing was doomed from the start because they didn’t hew close enough to the original source material. How is anyone supposed to take the Defenders seriously without iconic characters like Nighthawk? Hellcat? Moondragon? Gargoyle? Devil-Slayer? Dollar Bill? THE ELF WITH A GUN?!?…

I’m gobsmacked by how many of these make “Luke is evil now!” a thing. I can’t believe that many people wanted that to happen.

NO. Get the FUCK out of here with this, world. Fuck you for even suggesting it.

“I have a question. If I’m supposed to be invisible, how is anyone going to know what my mustache looks like in this movie? My hat won’t be invisible, will it? It’s a pretty big hat. I smuggled some dogs into Australia in it.”

The movie’s chilling final line: “Well, I don’t know what I expected.” SMASH CUT TO BLACK.

A hollow Earth is canonical to DC Comics as a whole. Google Mike Grell’s “Warlord.”

They went for broke and it worked. If this movie had been made 20 years ago, there would have been some IMDB trivia like, “The design of Black Manta’s submarine is meant as a nod to his classic comic book appearance, which was determined to be too outlandish for live-action.” But instead they did Black Manta with his…

But on the other hand: battle crabs, laser sharks, Patrick Wilson’s hair, a giant squid-beast voiced by Julie Andrews, merpeople, Willem Dafoe’s hair.

“Aquaman” was surprisingly a good time. It is not afraid to show you an island filled with dinosaurs in the center of the earth. It would make a great double feature with “Flash Gordon,” I think.

You lock James Cameron in a room with Neil Degrasse Tyson and chain them to the floor, Jigsaw-style. On a TV behind bulletproof glass you play the movie “Sphere” on a continuous loop. Who chews his own foot off first?

I’ve always heard this line as “Eat choota,” which I took as a very Star Wars-y way to tell someone to “Eat shit.” It made me wonder for a long time what that particular robot’s deal was. Is it programmed to be antisocial? Is Threepio just bad at recognizing social cues? Is that robot a self-hating protocol droid?

Yes, yes, we’re all on the Internet here.

YEA-UH!

Football Brain is a real thing.

Germs aren’t real, so I don’t wash my hands, which means I don’t get sick, because I’m inoculated against the germs, which aren’t real.

Jesus, just a wave of YouTube videos of middle-aged thumb-people eating a sandwich on the toilet or whatever.

JUST POINT AT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO FUUUUUCK!!

I still can’t believe that Sony put all their chips on “What was REALLY going on with Peter Parker’s parents?!?” People like to gripe about the MCU Spidey being so closely connected to Iron Man, but that shit about Peter being genetically modified or whatever? Get the hell out of here with that “chosen one” bullshit.

Between his really off-putting TMNT designs and his “wads of aluminum foil rolling down the stairs” look for the Transformers, I’m thinking Michael Bay doesn’t have the strongest handle on what makes for good character design.