Also, not for nothing, this trilogy is pretty much born out of Luke Skywalker’s failure with Ben, the same way the Prequel Trilogy made the Original Trilogy about the legacy of the Jedi failing Anakin Skywalker.

It’s pretty strongly implied that Ben knows Rey knows the truth about her parents - he prods her into admitting it out loud before he says it. They have that two-way Force AOL Instant Messenger thing going on for most of the movie, so it’s not that much of a leap to say that Ben is pulling that information out of her…

Everyone’s experience is different, of course, but I’m surprised to hear that so many people didn’t get emotional over Han’s death scene. I’ve seen The Froce Awakens more than a dozen times at this point, and the moment where he reaches out to touch Ben’s face gets me every time. It’s the only scene we get between…

It’s too bad he’s already locked into what’s probably a 10-film deal to play Alfred, because my ideal Doctor Doom is Jeremy Irons doing a Dracula voice.

Given how little it took for them to get a boner for Papa John’s, I’m shocked there seriously hasn’t been an “official coffee of the alt-right” yet. There’s still time to force a coffee brand to tweet that they “believe in inclusiveness and diversity for all our customers,” chuds. What a weird fucking time we live in.

That, or Blake Bradman.

1. Force a minimum-wage earner to say the president’s name out loud.

Still no Lando?

This is all just pointless armchair quarterbacking on my part, but I’ve always thought that DC shouldn’t be trying to be Marvel Studios, they should be trying to be Pixar. Pretty much every character in their stable is better-suited for a family-friendly animated movie instead of trying to copy the Marvel formula.…

Love these fuckers who can say “How do we know evolution happened, WERE YOU THERE?” and then 10 seconds later be all like, “People were a lot nicer to each other when they could own other people like cows 200 years ago, that’s a fact.” Fuck this “Little House on the Prairie” bullshit.

It won’t be truly authentic unless, after about a year or so, the sticker starts to turn yellowish and begin to get scuffed off. That’s the R2-D2 action figure I remember.

“One Year Later...the repercussions from Kamala’s shocking marriage continue to be felt throughout the Marvel Universe! What is the pulse-pounding secret found in her change-of-address forms? What cataclysmic cosmic conundrums are contained in the catering menu? And what happens when the Devourer of Worlds - the…

Oh I thought we were doing a “Sniglets” kind of bit. Never mind.

Turn the other cheek...INTO A BLOODY FUCKING MESS

And pedant-erasty occurs when someone steps into a comment section to point out someone’s use of the incorrect term for a specific variant of kid-diddler.

Fury Road is the most emotionally gratifying action movie I’ve ever seen. So many action movies would be vastly improved by even one moment as powerful as Nux’s final “witness me” or Furiosa realizing the paradise she promised Joe’s harem didn’t exist anymore. And yet Fury Road has several of these moments, every one…

LOL “uninformed.” Mr. Vishnevetsky, were you aware of this information I hold in my hand, which states unequivocally that this movie is, in fact, good? No further questions, Senator.

I went to a screening once where Wiseau’s entire “Q&A” session consisted of him calling a random guy onto the stage because it was his birthday. He made the audience sing “Happy Birthday” to him, then Wiseau lifted the guy into the air by grabbing his belt with both hands and flipped him upside-down for a few moments.

NERD: I don’t get it - why would a female want to be with something that doesn’t even look like a human?

The league and the owners are in essence treating mid-market cities like St. Louis, Jacksonville, San Diego and Buffalo as the farm system, with the goal being to get “called up” to L.A., Mexico City, London, Toronto, etc, with the public paying for their ascension. And honestly, if we’re going to do that we need a…