The research department is one guy clicking refresh on Breitbart every three minutes.

Merry Christmas from the Upside-Down!

To the day I die, I will be talking about the day I stumbled onto the Grey Cup, joked that the halftime show would be Gordon Lightfoot, and then there he was!

That was the worry, and it’s still a legit worry. But the only silver lining so far has been that he’s been too dumb, too obstinate, too self-centered, etc., to take full advantage of his office. He’s not a schemer, he’s a 70-year-old spoiled baby who can be distracted as easily as a football player can take a knee.

I mean, why would he be? This guy’s spent his entire life being able to use his money and litigiousness to bludgeon and intimidate his enemies into submission. He’s not El Chapo, he’s your bog-standard rich-boy white-collar criminal who’s used to being able to get away with anything because he can afford an army of…

Lord knows I wouldn’t be the man I am today without the constant love and support of my wife, Bob Garrison’s Web Media Specialist.

Great news. Because the last time Fox News took a hard-line stance against a pathetic reality TV star who mistreated one of their female employees on live television, things worked out SO WELL for everybody.

The climax of the movie is the emotionally-charged moment when Batman realizes that they’re actually called “Martha Boxes,” and I’ll just show myself out thanks

“Not everyone is a winner,” say the people who insist that they’re always winning even when they’re obviously not.

And of course, posting snotty memes addressed to strawmen on Twitter dot com is free.

Boy, wait until that guy mad about “government-funded universities” finds out who’s been bankrolling the troops!

It was just as inspiring as the weekend last year when Rogue One opened to empty theaters after word got out that Ben Mehndelson’s Imperial administrator character was named “D’nhald Trummpf.” I believe the deathblow came when alt-right commentators accurately reported the scene in which Felicity Jones’ character…

I should be surprised that hoping for prison rape has somehow become a boring and predictable take, but here we are. Great Job, Internet!

(puts on even bigger nerd glasses)

I will not be happy until Mark Strong plays the entire Legion of Doom. And I know Sivana wasn’t in the Legion of Doom, but he’s basically the K-Mart Lex Luthor so it counts.

When you can’t even get through the first two words on the movie’s poster without giggling, that’s not good news for a serious murder mystery. “Mister police...” get the fuck out of here.

At least in terms of comic books, it’s a catch-22 because introducing new characters of any ethnicity/background has an extremely low success rate. Who’s the most recently created character Marvel has that could be considered a success? Deadpool? When was the last time DC introduced a new superhero who wasn’t a…

Back-to-back-to-back, even. It’s easy to forget about 2015 given how similarly they flamed out against the Mets’ staff, but reaching the NLCS three years in a row is something a lot of teams would kill for. I wish they were putting up more of a fight, but it’s the nature of baseball that all of a team’s strengths can…

I mean, if you’d rather sit through “The Ewok Adventure” than “The Force Awakens,” that’s fine. Everyone’s got their own thing. But let’s not act like Disney’s “brand extension” approach is somehow less appropriate for Star Wars than, say, giving Bruce Villanch and Harvey Korman two hours of time to make their stamp…

The bump stock facet of this discussion has only gained traction, I think, because it’s the first time in one of these mass-shooting events where the NRA has hinted that it maybe kinda sorta possibly is open to the idea of beginning to think about perhaps potentially be mildly okay with some kind of lukewarm…