Mother-of-the-groom all the way, there. All covered up, long sleeves, mother of the bride snagged the prettier colour.

I would love Gwen’s dress so much more if it was lined. As the Fug girls noted, all that super-sheer makes her look... thirsty. Which gives me a sad because her Dior video looks from like 2005 are the coolest thing ever. Oh, Gwen! Why are you dating a wannabe cowboy and wearing expensive trashy clothes??

This might be my favourite thing on Jezebel, ever. And I remember back when Slut Machine dressed her baby up as Judge Judy for an infant beauty pageant. I’m sorry that you had to go through a week of being trapped on a boat with loons while keeping a straight face, but the story is great and the illustrations are GOLD.

Some days I wear eye makeup, and most days some lipstick too. Other than that, I almost never wear foundation or concealer, and my skin care routine consists of taking off the eye makeup with a basic eye-makeup remover, and washing my face with water. If the skin feels dry, which is pretty rare, I put on a little No.7…

That’s the most awkward clutch-carry I’ve ever seen. Like if that was a prop baby on a TV show, the director would be all “Cut cut! Honey... haven’t you ever carried a baby before?”

Giant showgirl-level eyelashes aside, she actually seems adorable and funny in the Kimmel clip.

Does anybody remember the House Doctor show? A very tart American lady and her dreamy British sidekick, who remodeled/staged houses that just wouldn’t sell, in England. Yeah, I liked that show. I just don’t get the Property Brothers. (Also not in favour of tots in fedoras n’ bandannas on cooking reality shows. Now get…

So Johnny Depp says “people” tell him he smells good. I’m not buying it. You know who I’d believe? Anyone who worked in the wardrobe department of one of his projects. (Source: have worked in film wardrobe. Ask me about the Sniff Test!)

Why, yes. And I’d be wearing a period-correct corset and lace-trimmed bloomers while wielding it, preferably whilst being observed by a quietly sweating Steampunk-attired gentleman caller.

Legit laughed out loud.

Is she wearing makeup in that photo? If so, it’s very minimal, and she looks like a really very pretty young woman. Can only imagine what a knockout she was after getting hair did, makeup did, and swathed in couture. In other words, my heart hurts for her that she deemed the results no better than an 8 out of 10, and…

A colonoscopy in less than 24 hours? Holy crap (sorry, could not possibly resist)! I prepped even before the prep: ate heartily three days before, relatively simple meals two days before, and the juices-only on T minus one day. I share your hope to never need this again, but if you do, more notice before and good…

OH MY GOD it took me three evenings to drag myself through that film on Netflix. It was so “Julia goes to various foreign lands, is inexplicably adored by local residents despite being kind of sucky” that it was practically a Mary-Sue, but without all the fun fandom elements. Pretty scenery, otherwise a miss.

Imma’ tell you something that could change your life, prep-wise. Instead of drinking two gallons of hateful stuff followed by spending hours cramped and shivering on a toilet, my doc recommended a prep called “Pico Salex”. It’s behind the counter at the drug store. It’s two packets of powder that you mix with a glass…

It’s sad that a woman would rate herself on a 10-score system, as if she were a Vegas bro. Bottom line: do you like your dress? Is everyone smiling at you? Does this guy want to spend the rest of his life snuggling with you? Congratulations, you’re a bride, and you’re automatically beautiful!

Now, *that* sounds like actual common-sense wedding prep. I was already out when EM included gluten in her verboten list: science says that unless a person has celiac disease, there’s no medical benefit to avoiding gluten because “gluten sensitivity” is marketing term and not a medical (ie, real) thing.

They’re very pretty and they do seem to be having a nice time, it’s true. But posts like theirs make me very, very glad that social media didn’t exist when I was a stupid kid who had uniquely discovered the deep meaningfulness of fucking, you know?

Oh, I loved Dratch as Sheldon! An equally tender and loving portrait of nerdy teen boyhood has been done on SNL by Vanessa Bayer as a bar mitzvah boy. It IS possible to play another gender for laughs and still make it adorable.

Not only are respected artists just flawed humans like everyone else, but their shitty behaviour does not automatically render their work as worthless. (See: Jackson, Michael. Klimt, Gustav. Galliano, John.) Also the same for opinions that do not align with current correctness. (See: Hynde, Chrissy and Saunders,…

Please tell me I’m not the only one here who looked at that Insta of Tyra and couldn’t help giving it an ANTM critique. I mean, you can see she’s going for the “contemplation of the mystical bond of mother and child” but her smize game is not on point, she’s not connecting with the camera, and the baby looks more like…