“...eats 51 bananas a day...”

Every time a vegan posts a YouTube video, a Trump supporter registers to vote.

I can’t believe “birth” is on the list. I mean, the whole list is ridiculous but birth?! Kids have birthdays. I think they’re comfortable with the concept that they were born.

Was this filmed in the 80s?

Felt the same about Gargoyles when I found out that cartoon voice actors are rarely in the same room together.

I care because he should be with Kate Winslet, as God intended. Just get over your youth fetish, Leo, and go to her! #TitanicRevival

Wow. My son’s middle name is a surname that you’d never ever want to call a kid by because it was his dad’s and granddad’s and great-granddad’s middle name, and his great-great-grandmother’s maiden name. My brother’s is also a surname for similar reasons. Using a family name/conglomeration of family names in the…

WHO WAS IT?! Tell us who saw your pubes RIGHT NOW.

If your friends and family believe you could get engaged to a man over 30 years your senior without them knowing, maybe reevaluate your life choices.

I feel like I’m living in a perpetual Twilight Zone episode. Every day I have an increasing sense of dread and dismay coupled with a vague feeling that I must be dreaming.

Mandatory homework assignment for all:

I live in Portland, and I’m confused, there’s been an Anthropologie in downtown Portland forever. I’m not really into twee so I’ve never been in, but I know it’s there because it’s next door to Powell’s and I do go there.

If movies and TV have taught me anything, their main use is for telling people’s fortunes until one night when you’re dealing them out by yourself and you turn up the death card and then someone steps out of the shadows and murders you.

“ Things just went too far and someone got scared”

This would be quite effective were it not for the fact that “women: you have to treat them like sh*t” is the subtext for the entire Republican party.

I mean, I’m happy to forget Luke Perry, but damn it, all these years laters I am still asking how funky is your chicken and how loose is your goose. (My goose is totally loose.)

oh man, god forbid a women you are romantically involved with doesn’t want to fucking be a background figure..she was in the public eye before him and motherfucker didn’t think she would want it to stay that way since it is basically her job?? sounds like he is describing himself through her.

How dare she want to have an equal share of the light. Imagine competing with him instead of just admiring his genius and feeling lucky he chose her. What a total bitch. /s

Look, babies are a renewable resource, but small businesses are an endangered species. Won't anybody think of the entrepreneurs?!

Let this be official documentation. If I ever die from a back alley abortion I don’t want to be buried. I don’t want to be cremated. I don’t want to be donated to science. I want my body shipped to Flynn’s office.