I was with a dude who liked to finish on my glasses.

edit for clarification: obviously while I was wearing them, not just like...swing over and jizz all over them on my nightstand.

100% here for this.

I can’t watch at work. :( WHEN DOES THIS PREMIER? I don’t need to watch the trailer to know that I am going to be ALL about this.

“hey how’s it going” “I LOVE MY MOTHER MORE THAN MY DAD”

They might be my old downstairs neighbours...? He was a bit nerd ragey, she was kind of flakey, and they never recycled (boo), but they had a nice quiet dog so good luck to them, crazy kids (whose names I’ve forgotten). Did i guess right? And are they still on my lawn?

A baby isn’t eating a nutritious meal from your dick.

Get behind me troll

I see where he picked up the habit:

I think that is because we have this bonkers attitude that all reproductive responsibility and planning is solely the purview of women. Pregnancies are always the “fault” of the woman, even though biologically and physically speaking, the responsibility should fall equally. So, yeah, options for men aren’t pushed…

But like... Isn't it just fields with beautiful animals that take care of themselves while Kylie prances in cut off shorts, flannel, and boots?

work gave me photoshop and it was a terrible idea

I’ve gotten the feeling that he doesn’t actually want to be president. Maybe he just needs someone to tell him it’s okay to follow your own dreams.

Pictured: Their preferred method of attack.

Here’s the thing.

Do you know what a comments section is?

I love the little beanie-covered drummer just skulking in the corner.

I will never stop being bitter that she wasn’t in the Veronica Mars movie. I don’t believe they couldn’t have made it work. That role couldn’t have required more than a couple of days a shooting.

Trump is like a sentient Onion article that doesn’t realize it was born in satire.

Dita Von Teese: If you hate the Kardashians, you’re “just jealous.”

Decades ago, Patrick Stewart struck a deal with the devil. In exchange for premature baldness, he received...well damn, see for yourself! He’s 75!