GIRL, GIRL, GET THAT CASH

Yep, I do it to my cats too when they start bugging me for food. At least my dog pretended to like me.

I posted this earlier but between this story, the woman who had sex with her dad, and the crappy wedding invite parents, I'm just so very happy that my parents are awesome. Or at least aren't crazy.

Now we have to worry about motherfucking scorpions on the motherfucking plane?

A dramatic re-enactment.

Liked it better the first way. I move that everyone calls them "Ramon" from now on.

HAHA!! I was like "is this a thing we're doing now, Ramon?" I kinda like it.

"on the blob"

"period sex"? I don't even think about it as a 'thing'. Sometimes I'm on my period. Sometimes I'm not. I have sex with my boyfriend. Sometimes it's when I'm on my period and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's on a Wednesday. End of story. It's not like a gushing artery in your vagina, usually it doesn't evn make a…

I had sex with my FWB towards the end of my period. The next morning I had to get up and leave early and I got a text that afternoon: "you could have mentioned you were on the blob, I got up to pee and thought I was dying"

A really cool lover will pull it out with his teeth!

I think Hollywood sex could stand to be more realistic in general. eheb I was a kid I thought sex was going to be like the take my breath away scene from top gun, and it's nothing like that. It's both way grosser and way more fun.

But his cockamamie story happened in a "developing country" which somehow makes it easier for him to march into a fucking nursery in a hospital and switch "ankle tags" (what?) without anyone seeing him! And his girlfriend didn't notice! What a dumb lady, cuckolding him and all that. This is MRA revenge fic.

I had a friend who was absolutely certain that his devoutly Catholic parents did not have premarital sex, he was just born very premature. His parents were married at the beginning of the same month he was born in. He was quite indignantly sure he was just a miracle baby who survived being born at 4 weeks gestation,…

The guy I dated in high school/early college had a sister who was about 10 years older, and had gotten whoopsie pregnant with a jerkweed she was just screwing around with and not intending to have a serious relationship with. Their folks were hard core fundie Christian, and so their dad had a nice talk with that young…

This is the worst one. The worst lie.

I worked really hard to get a 4.0 GPA in college and math was my biggest weakness. I saved the one math class I had to take for my very last semester of school and spent all semester telling my teacher how I couldn't ruin my 4.0 and also kissing butt. I worked hard, did all my homework, saw a tutor multiple times and…

If lying to kids counts, I told my eight-year-old niece this Christmas that her mother wasn't calling her inside from playing in the snow to be mean, but because we knew that the Frost Giants roamed at night, looking for lost children to take away to their icy kingdom to be their slaves, and the children would never…

My mom still thinks the tramp stamp I got 17 years ago is henna that I keep getting redone. You believe what you want to believe.

My dad still believes that I graduated from college. (I turned 30 last week)