Joanna, I hope that you don’t really want to be a standup. Here’s why:

I was almost positive the final producer was going to ask you out while still giving you a rejection.

I miss the Gong Show.

Japanese guy wins a race and this guy clutches his Pearl Harbors.

Could also be his polonium high.

I have a bidet and love it.

It may be my deep love for the two of them but Jenna Fisher and Maura Tierney could play sisters very convincingly.

I am just going to leave you here with this

There is a 0% chance that 45 doesn’t say something totally insane, even for him, on this trip. It is going to be long, boring, and he won’t be able to go golfing. He is going to be grouchy as a baby on a roadtrip with a dirty diaper.

Rather than wallow in misery, he seemed to use his music to rally against it. That, along with his magnificent voice, really resonated with me.

his voice even had that quality on the more depressing songs, like “Like a Stone,” which is easily in my top 5 songs of all time. it’s definitely been a punch to the gut to realize he couldn’t survive all the battles.

...but there was something so joyful and alive to me in Soundgarden’s music despite the dark lyrics.

I realized 2 seconds after hearing this horrible news that Eddie Vedder is the only front man left of my 90's grunge bands. Layne Staley, Scott Weiland, Kurt Cobain and now Chris Cornell.

The news this morning felt like a punch to the face. Soundgarden and Temple of the Dog were mainstays in my personal music library in high school and college. I even willingly paid for (and enjoyed) some of his solo work. His voice was mesmerizing and his lyrics put into words all of the depression-fueled emotions…

This is my ringtone :/

Being the “best country in the world™” means fucking acting like it.

I’ve had a crush on Chris Cornell since I was 12.

Yeah, this is some Hugo Schwyzer shit right here.

1. Classic name: can’t relate to women on their own merits as sentient beings worthy of respect; must relate to them only in their relationship to OTHERS daughtermothersister!

As a psychiatrist I dated put it, “Yeah, with anxiety, your world just gets smaller and smaller and smaller.”