The People story reports that the new mother is 19 and was having “personal problems” (their quotes) so her friends thought a night out at Da Clurb would cheer her up. She did not drink alcohol, People dutifully reported.

*raises hand*  I do.  Usually with Oreos.  Hell, sometimes I drink straight from the jug because I get a craving.

since my current lust object isn’t even a real person. 

That’s some Sarah Palin-level word salad right there.

Those aren’t friends, dude. I say this with the best of intentions- find some nicer people to hang out with. Friends don’t do that.

They aren’t friends.

Why don’t any of the big 3 get it? Blank paper new car.... why no awd? Make it a $10k option dumbasses.... Dodge gets it...to a point... They offer awd on their lower hp Charger and Challenger. Why not make awd an option on the hi hp mustang and Camaro for all of us that have a snowy season but no desire to store a…

Seriously, 4x3 and commentary and you have people locked in for life.

Eat shit, bob!

Right. I read it twice I still don’t know WTF he’s talking about.

But what about the baggage claim? That minute matters, when you get to the baggage claim. You won’t get prime position! YOUR BAGS MIGHT GO HALFWAY AROUND THE CAROUSEL BEFORE YOU GET THEM!!!!

The woman holding her naked baby swinging its piss soaked feet near my face? Sit down.
Old couple who can’t wipe their ass but want to bend and reach? Sit down.
Big man, rubbing your bare gut on my shoulder peeking out from beneath your flannel shirt? Sit your big ass DOWN.
Four foot woman who wants someone to pull…

age is but a number friend, everyone comes to these things differently, so don’t let that turn you away. Once you give it a shot, you’ll realize how much not a big deal it was the entire time. 

I work a desk job in marketing.

step two sounds hard

This stuff is so silly. I got a DWAI for driving on my doctor prescribed medication. Now I have random UAs in which I can test positive for the DR. PRESCRIBED MEDICATION because Ihave a PRESCRIPTION FOR THE MEDICATION FROM MY DR. $11 a pop about twice a week and and at least an hour each visit out of my day for them…

This is evil week, not lame week.

Step One: Drink a TON of water so your results are completely worthless. Say you’ve been dehydrated in the days prior, and accidentally drank too much water.

UPS, in their infinite wisdom, once left on my front porch in a very bad neighbourhood a package that was clearly marked as being from Apple and computer-sized. They were supposed to get a signature for it rather than just leave it...

A package from an ebay seller came up missing, on a day when I was outside and the temp mailman handed my mail TO ME, sans package, of course; the post office later declaring to ebay it had been put in my mailbox...as reported by their letter carrier.