The other night I started to watch “Cropsey” under the mistaken impression it was a horror movie (don’t judge me, my bedtime horror habit helps me sleep and stay sober) and did a double lead take at some old footage of Geraldo Rivera doing an expose on a school for kids with severe disabilities that was rife with…

I cannot believe for a single second that he has any curiosity about aliens or anything in the heavens unless he could slap a giant golden TRUMP on the moon itself. 

I think he’s trying to say that the information was so inaccurate that it was just made up, which, uh, hm, thanks for the window into your process. 

Ha, if they said it was a woman who blew the whistle there would be an immediate and likely violent (given how many abusers work or have worked in the WH) purge of every single woman around him. Except Ivanka of course. 

I just starred like twenty or maybe five of your posts in a row, and I feel like a stalker but you just keep bringing relevant shit up that gets lost in the torrent of bullshit pouring down over the world right now. 

Is “shamelessly day drinking” a medical condition?

That is the scariest bird I've ever seen up there. It's poised to peck out my soul through my throat. 

Weld is running the Tallest Presidential Campaign. I met him as a kid and was kind of confused by how tall he was, I didn't know they made people like that! 

OT but on Comedy Bang Bang! one of Brendon Small’s characters referred to Doctor Strange as that movie where Sherlock Holmes fights a screen saver and I died so hard my corpse has yet to be discovered. 

She's still smart and funny as fuck to me.

Yes, thank you! With appletinis at the service to symbolize holy Kryptonite, just like in Smallville.

Where’s my full body massage from a jacked dude who’s into thicc ladies, huh? If they gave them out fairly my shoulders would feel much better, but they don’t.

They have an aversion to books, full stop. Even the Good Book is best digested by their pastors or presented with annotations and commentary by Joel Osteen that make them feel good about hating their neighbor and harming the less fortunate (this is hilarious to me because dirty papists are supposedly the ones who…

YES I HATE HIS STUPID VOICE SO MUCH. He was the bane of my college years, I just wanted to pour battery acid into my ears or maybe into the ears of those who dared befoul the precious air with his weird kinda breathy groans. 

Yeah right, like he'd tip a sex worker. he has people that he doesn't pay to do that for him. 

It would be like punching the Blob from the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Hm, I can think of something far worse than milkshakes. Let me call a few other liberal celiacs I know, pick up a few bags of wonder bread and I'll get back to you.

If I could confiscate that puking cat gif from you, I would do so in a heartbeat. I don’t know whether the arc of barf or the cat’s expression bothers me more, or whether they tag-team to power bomb me through the table of gross.

Yes, this is exactly the situation Robert Frost wrote of when he penned the immortal line, "I have miles to go before I sleep/In a fancy doorway I flew across country from bucolic New England to get to/The doorways there are no good, no good, fake news". 

“Lustily" is creepy and accurate. I've often wondered what guys like that get out of clamoring for wars they have never and will never be involved in, and then I realize it's for the same reason dudes at the gym stare at women with whom they will never speak or touch: they like the tingly feeling in their pants.