“...like a bloated Henry VIII.”

Maybe those raptors will get hungry enough to go after the border patrols... or just their eyes.

It was--according to the Guardian--a total surprise to the Miami-Dade police force. I also would be surprised if other foreign leaders showed given that he's admitted he bugs rooms routinely because he's a creeper who likes the feeling of control spying on people brings (ok, he didn't say that last part).

Why would anyone bring their 15 year old daughter to hang out with Epstein? That’s the burning question for me.

Speakingof which, is any part of the Giz network going to cover syria?!

Ha! Nope, never used pornhub, I'm a smutty romance novel type of girl.

So... deny it exists even while it causes deaths around the world?

OT: kinja won’t let me post the screencap but what the hell is with these booty pillow ads?! They look like serial killers or pornhub addict shut ins are the target audience. I worry about what I may have searched for that makes them show up for me.

That is awful, I am so sorry. I'd be having nine hundred panic attacks per second if I were in your shoes. Can you go stay anywhere else during that time? Any friendly neighbors with generators? I really hope something works out for you!

That squinty picture of him at the top reminds me of my drinking days, where I’d be wandering the house with only one eye open in the entirely vain hope I'd improve my balance and not crash into door frames. He's a teetotaler though, so what's his excuse? (Pills. The answer is pills and lots of them.)

“Fired" huh? That's the relevant descriptor? I wish cancel culture were fucking real.

That's MISS Lindsay, Ms. is a gross feminist word, not dainty and sweet like a Miss should be.

The dog is a more thoughtful and articulate speaker.

I generally agree with your points (except no, no fucking Chuck Todd, that’s gross) but I kinda enjoy the idea of Republicans being the guest of honor for a series of nationally televised boot parties.

How much imodium do you think he goes through in a day? Or does he prefer to have diarrhea because he thinks it's faster therefore more efficient?

I was about to note that "not a lot of people know this..." is a tell for one of his lies, but then realized that narrowing down his tells for a lie would be an impossible task.

I hope he’s having those terrifying/hilarious/embarrassing narcissistic tantrums, with high pitched keening and angry cry-screaming and fists flailing all over the place, mussing his hair and his already wrinkled baggy suits and then rage-eating forty hamberders so fast he bites his own fingers and starts the tantrum…

1. Tara

And TERRIFYINGLY pale. It looks like it belongs to a dead child and the punk rock babysitter who let her last charge perish under her care would see it curling around the door frame out of the corner of her eye before she headed off to her new job in her new town, where no one knows her horrible negligent history.

“I'm pretty certain I'm having a stroke but I HAVE to get this post up on splinter before I call 911."