The GOP Congresstraitors spent last night and this morning making Trump’s case for him:

“I’m economically anxious, and so are my butler, chauffer, chef, and both maids. Only the gardener isn’t, and I think that’s because he’s making bank on the weed he grows behind the boat house.”

They should have learned from endless horror movies that nothing good happens to anything built on an Indian burial ground.

Well, we live in a country in which most people don’t have a basic understanding of how electricity works, which is why every electrical product comes with pages and pages of warnings about not doing stupid things with them.

Considering a Superman Halloween costume warned that it “does not enable flight,” telling people that hot food is hot doesn't even crack the top ten.

This case gets mentioned whenever product liability comes up. Thing is, the popular take “old lady gets millions for being dumb" just isn't true. Here’s a quick refresher:

They’re right, they just have their time machine set wrong. Take America back about, oh, lets say 600 years and it’ll certainly be great again, without all the religious misfits and itinerant riffraff from Europe stinking the place up.

Torturing and killing people without leaving any marks on the victims’ bodies is a 101-level course at most authoritarian police-state training academies around the world.

An updated edition of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy would define Earth as: “A small, blue green planet, whose dominant life form is exclusively focused on screaming  ‘Look at Meeeeee!’ at the heedless void.

To be fair, physics can be a real asshole.

Yeah, I think “How to be a demanding moron” is an elective in most MBA programs now.

But they rust terribly in the space rain.

The business world is full of the hard-of-thinking.

That’s the thing: insurance company rules are so opaque that you have no way of knowing what they’ll cover and what they won’t. Even things they agree to cover they can suddenly turn around and refuse to cover after the fact, saddling the patient with a huge bill.

That is very depressing.

And they weren’t exactly sky-high to begin with. Anyone who took the ASVAB test (the aptitude test the military gives potential recruits to decide what work they're suited for) back in the 80s or 90s can tell you it was pretty basic.

I’m sure he thinks it’s some “become one with the gun” stuff, like he read in the graphic novel version of “Zen and the Art of Archery.”

So many providers have jumped on the “concierge” grift that it gets harder each time to find one that is (a) in-network, (b) accepting new patients and, (c) good.

I was insured by Kaiser Permanente for years and, while it has its own issues, billing was never one of them. Just pay your copay and you’re done. No worry about additional bills emerging from the ether weeks or months later.

“The enemy-of-the-people media focus on the gas chambers, the forced sterilizations, the euthenasia of the disabled, but they never mention the fact I built all the autobahns and love animals.”