I ... really want to make out with you now.

This is AMAZING.

THERE ARE NO NEGATIVES ON PHONES.

PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

God, I wish you could come over and we could share the moscato. And the pics.

Look, this was all I was willing to cop to on the interwebs.

ROLL!! I've missed you, pal. And the picture would only be complete with you by my side in roller skates, ruling the 'hood jointly.

I'm almost disturbed by how many of you find this picture attractive.

It's TWO sweatbands. Both neon. One blue, one pink. I was very into Miami Vice.

It's the bike. It's very fetching.

I'll just leave this here....

Is that two chicken patties interspersed with two fish fillet patties?

I had the honor of being the first sexual partner of a man who now professionally impersonates Buddy Holly all over the globe. Global Holly wept in my arms and told me I was the nicest person in the whole world (presumably for sleeping with him)... besides his mom.

:LKSJDV:LNISD:LKNLIJSDF

Only if it's a dirty beer.

Serious question: Does your skin suit collection require a lot of maintenance? Cleaning and polishing and all that? Or are you too busy dressing up in your dead mother's outfits and tormenting travelers? Just curious!

Ugly Toad Bitches is the name of my band. I play the dirty triangle.

Don't forget to drink that wine cooler in your filthy squalor, ya dirty bitch.

How can anyone read all that drivel? It's like watching a pensioner wank off to Fox News: horrifyingly riveting, but only for so long.

#NotAllDirtyBitches