What's more racist, the Washington Redskins or Washington drug arrest policies?

Nosuch Grade

Don't Buckner the soap.

"Do you know what this is? It's Johnny Manziel jerking off with his giant hands just for the waitresses."

Nothing worse than an Indian-quitter.

Still a less lazy attempt at a Philly cheese take than anything Geno's shit out in the last ten years.

Can I have a column? It'll be called "Sport of Law" and each week I'll pronounce various prominent newsmakers in the world of sport "Guilty" or "Not guilty" of hilariously offbeat offenses. Here's an example.

Sure thing, subject. I know the owner. Whaddya think the J.C. stands for?

Of course I do but maybe you should explain it for the readers at home.

Yes.

That's, um, a lot of blood.

Either way, this will be a landmark case for South Africa's controversial "Lock Your Wheels in Place on Your Ground Law".

GAAAAAAAHHHHD DAMMIT. +1 second

[No, YOU posted the same joke as someone else.]

...

Damn, right before pitchers and catheters were scheduled to report, too.

The other thing no one is talking about when they talk about all this is that the NFL doesn't give a shit about anything but PR. The fact that every sports show in the country is talking about the NFL in February is a win now, a little superficial placating to the corn pone fans who want to know their blood sport is…

If you think this is a cute story, trust me, you do not want to know how sausage racers are made.

Reminder: You'll never get a ring with sloppy Ds.