Reading this article is like being stuck on an airport shuttle with the kid going back for his second semester at BYU who has decided to tell you why The Phantom Menace is the best Star Wars Movie.

“If you want to learn more about how carburetors work, go to the weird part of town and shout at the top of your lungs “BOY I SURE MISS OLDSMOBILE” and some old man will come out of the shadows to tell you about the Holley he had on his Cutlass 442.”

Oregon doesn’t salt their roads in the winter.

Palmetto Bugs.

Yes, they were.

That is not ironic.

That is not ironic.

I’m thinking of a different study then. I hadn’t seen this one.

They are perceived as being more honest. There’s nothing to show that they are more honest.

Or your wife’s lawyer.

Remember when you used to be amusing? Pepperidge Farm does.

You tell stories I don’t believe.

The best part is that I’m livin’ the dream, man.

Dodge Grand Caravan.

lol

You’re all Adonises.

That’s one of my favorite movies.

When you ask the passengers if you should get dressed, you lose your job.

Your friend is full of shit.

Do you throw $10,000 in the trash just because you have $10,000 in the bank?