I use Alton Brown’s brined turkey recipe and it has never failed me.

I use Alton Brown’s brined turkey recipe and it has never failed me.

Just imagine how well he’d be doing if his last name was Biden!

A true lazy person would have sauntered at most.

So okay, I make an orange ginger cranberry sauce based on this:

#notalldrunkuncles

Yeah, I say ‘one’ to get their attention then I explain what will happen if I get to three and then if I get to three I do that thing every time. I tell them I don’t want to do the thing and I know it will make them mad or upset. It works a fair percentage of the time.

Nobody should agree to that at all ever.

I mean, if you’ve got an immersion circulator, some vodka, a bit of sugar, and some cardamom you can make some yourself so...

Yes. Everybody who spends money on baby food is a lazy sucker. You nailed it.

It’s entirely possible to have a “big fat gut” and a very strong core.

Source: A power lifter who likes beer.

I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to keep it to use as a weapon in the inevitable post-apocalyptic hellscape, not read it.

Lots of gyms have child care.  If you can find one you can actually shower uninterrupted, catch up on life a bit, and maybe even work out!

#REASONABLYPRICEDLANADELREY

Also, it helps to not have a brain that doesn’t work properly.

I am sorry that your face does not work properly and wish you luck in dealing with your crippling disability.

People clean cheesecloth?  Honestly, this never occurred to me. I might be a bad person.

Celery is not food.

Finally, someone to edit all these goddamned offspring!

And now “Brady” is super svelte and fashionable. Which in no way implies that he is a genetically modified clone. 

Brady’s head has gotten inexplicably SMALLER since his rookie season. I think I’m going to start one of those rumors like with Avril Lavigne that he’s been replaced by a clone but it’ll be more feasible because they can totally clone dogs.