David Brooks sucks.

I hope to one day be too comfortable to hold...

He raped a child.  Why do we insist on wrapping horrible shit up in big words?

I can’t think of a single thing in the whole wide world that would be.

Hey! Remember how CeeLo Green is a rapist?

Alston is demonstrably terrible in almost every way that doesn’t involved Spike’s.

In The Future, everyone will have their own streaming service!

I think peak was a euphemism for boner?

It’s funny because women are weak and complain all the time!

Finally! I can open my new chain Donut Juice!

How about maybe we don’t elect another elderly person to national office for a while?  

Great, now I have to make onion dip which means that I either have to be social or eat a whole thing of onion dip.

Also, get HELLA high.

I’m fairly sure that Ed Sheeran is just a wadded up loaf of generic store brand white bread that someone rubbed in a pile of red hair at a Supercuts and taught to play guitar. 

That is literally just doing process pieces which is how pretty much anybody gets good at anything, isn’t it?  

Wait, did you go to BU?

There are actual reasons to go to Alston though. I mean, other than the hot dogs even! 

I mean, I was gonna anyway

The only Spike’s Challenge I ever did was avoiding drunken fisticuffs with drunk BU kids because I just wanted a fucking hot dog and not to have my shoes vomited on.

Hey! Back off.