Man, this guy is like a weaponized Bill Simmons. Like, at least Bill kept his misogyny under wraps (until the I Became A Feminist Because I Had A Daughter thing).

Hey! He was great in “Pretty In Pink”.

No, no, no! The abortion issue is a State’s Rights issue! It has nothing to do with choice or autonomy or privacy or whatever! State’s Rights!!!

We shit. Apparently I’ve been making frozen custard SUPER wrong!

So Netflix knows about the whole “Netflix and chill” thing, right? I mean, they’ve got to know about that, don’t they?

Hey, I never said YOU suck.

So your position is that yes, it would be good if more voices got heard and that yes, straight white dudes dominate the conversation and that yes, that’s not great but that I should fuck off because you didn’t like my delivery? Because, I mean, okay. Awesome. Let’s try to actually address the points you agreed with…

Because I don’t binge on those. I pay extra so I can sit on my goddamned couch and stare at something that takes my mind off the fact that my life is a horrible, disappointing mess for hours and hours on end. The commercials (and the super judgey, “are you still even watching this you slug?!?!?” pop-up thingie) break…

Sure, but if I’m paying for content then there shouldn’t be advertisements in that content even it they’re for other content on the platform that I am paying for content on to avoid advertisements.

Eh, maybe take a step back and let someone else set the fucking conversation for a change is the point. You didn’t earn the spotlight, let someone else have a turn.

But I want both!

Yes, right. All voices matter. Got it.

Never said that either. 

Identity politics and concern trolling. Strong work!

Hyperbolic, performative statements on the internet seem a bit odd to call out. My point was not that I, or even that my ilk, are particularly more or less inherently awft than anyone else. My point is that we tend to have inflated senses of the importance of our opinions because we’ve been listened to without push bac…

Oh heavens! Whatever shall I do!??!! Some random person on the internet seems to be being mean to me!

Look, I don’t give half a fuck if people mock me. Because I don’t HAVE to. Because I’m basically the person this whole society has been build to benefit. Which is a problem. Which is my point. Which you apparently have…

I mean, I would but who’s going to take care of all the stuff I inexplicably own?

Speaking as a middle-aged straight white dude, hey! Can everybody please stop listening to us? Because we are, largely, a bunch of clueless asshole who are so used to people acting like they’re listening to us that we think we actually know something. You’re essentially enabling our behavior at this point!

Babies LOVE blow. It’s a known science fact!

Technically, yes!