My new-guy question: how similar is riding a motorcycle to riding a bicycle? I want to learn to ride, and I’m just curious how the skill set transfers over.

Oh the jerking off is definitely aimed at someone. But as is their fare, they’ll just wind up sadly ejaculating in their pants and crying themselves to sleep.

For real though. Literally, there is nothing I love in life more than going down on a woman. With handjobs as a close second.

You just described my adolesence in Alabama. It was odd.

I’ve actually got a picture of my balls in a photo album on my bookshelf from this very same activity. Thanks, College!

This is probably the single dumbest thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.

As a dude that’s had these for 10 years or so...yes? Maybe? If I decide I don’t want them any more, or I keep progressing professionally, they’ll get surgeried up post-haste. I plan on being an old dude with tattoos, so I don’t see having floppy earlobes any differently. But for now, the pearl-clutching fashion-advice…

Who?

This is an official cease-and-desist, because I’m already the lead singer in that band.

I want to punch Ted Cruz right in his stupid fucking ventriloquist-dummy-looking face.

ALABAMA GODDAMN!!!

I quietly had your back in this, but now I kinda want to fight you.

I WILL PEEL ALL OF THE SKIN OFF OF YOUR BODY IF YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!

Can we at least all agree that she was badass in Closer and The Professional?

YOU LEAVE GARTH OUT OF THIS! HE IS A GODDAMN SAINT!

You’d love my dog! She’s old and farts like a person. She always looks at her assole with this “what the hell” look.

If your husband cant/won’t change the sheets or cook for himself, you married a goddamn baby and should reevaluate your life choices up to this point.

I’ve wanted to go as Hedwig for years now, but I always feel like I’d come across as an asshole.