It turns out the elves and orcs are just actors Smith's colleagues hired to make him look insane, until it turns out they actually were elves and orcs all along.

NADDAFINGA!!!

If Adam Sandler can be Worst Actor and Worst Actress in the same year…

And then all of next year's nominees will be produced by Steve Mnuchin?

Honestly, this is the best thing La La Land could have hoped for, reputation-wise. It's not tainted with a politically charged award, it has the public's sympathy, and it's not in a position to be subjected to numerous villainizing thinkpieces.

Krusty's Krustoscar Klassic

This is all just to set up the big moment where Jenkins and Chazelle make up with a passionate love session.

#OscarsSoWhiteGenocide

#OscarsSoWTF

BREAKING NEWS: Warren Beatty hired to host Family Feud.

I can't see. What the hell is happening? Did Gibson clamber on stage?

Anything but Hacksaw

Whatever happens tonight, don't forget that life is meaningless and all of us will die unsatisfied and with regret.

And yet… assholes find a way.

The winner is… James McAvoy!

FUCK

So can I assume this is why all the lights on my street just went out and dark hellbeasts on horseback are shrieking as they rampage through my yard?

Unobtanium is the key to all this.

Hell, he's probably planning to hijack the stage when the Picture winner is announced.

My fears of a surprise Hacksaw victory are assuaged.