He was just born with a heart full of neutrality.

The Ticket Master sounds like an Adam West Batman villain that never made it past the concept stage.

Except that Helen Mirren is a genuinely attractive woman by any standard. If you're going for irony, pick someone like Betty White or Queen Elizabeth.

Plus an extra 6 million for the Stein and Johnson voters.

Between this and the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales teaser, Disney is going all out with making intense, no-nonsense teaser trailers. I'm now convinced that the Star Wars Episode VIII teaser will just be Kylo Ren stabbing a man through the heart while his children watch in horror.

NAMBLA's preferred method of attracting new recruits.

"[W]e’d kill[…] to feel like we accomplished something" - The A.V. Club

The article about Biden's unofficial White House tour operation getting shut down is probably my favorite Onion article of the whole year.

It's over, alt-right! I have the (moral) high ground!

Mel Gibson has a movie out right now, and it does feature rather inhuman-looking Japanese soldiers.

I believe Arby's "has the meats."

Damn, I was gonna say Blazing Saddles too. I watched that for the first time in several years earlier today and it just made me feel so happy. The fact that that film even exists proves to me that there is good in our species. I was able to compose myself and crack some jokes about what has been happening for the…

I would have forgiven that commercial had it ended with Phelps shoving that laptop up Parsons' ass.

If it causes companies to hire Parsons to do more insufferable tech commercials - or a 12-year old Parsons lookalike - I'm against it.

So the bad guy will be played by Daniel Radcliffe?

Saw a local production of Noises Off on Thursday. Knew very little about it going in, but I really liked it. The second act where basically everything is being pantomimed was pure delight, even if I kinda forgot why Garry hated Freddy.

Hey, don't insult Fox News like that!

"How can you shoot foxes and wolf pups?!"
"Easy, you just don't lead 'em so much!… Ain't huntin' hell?"

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk, until today, was supposed to go wide over Veterans' Day weekend. Putting Hacksaw Ridge head to head with Billy Lynn would have been a bad call.

No, but they do cause his cheating husband to get food poisoning.