Take me out to the ball game,
Take me to perform market research;
Buy me some beer with profit margins jacked,
It's bad if the customers never come back.
Let me root, root, root for the sponsors,
If they don't see returns, it's a shame.
For it's fun... to...take the soul out of life,
At the old ball game!

I'm glad you guys smashed the initial emailer, especially since his "tip" was a waste of Deadspin's time. Any one of us would have no problem finding footage of an ESPN personality blowing.

Great. As if there weren't enough heels in professional wrestling already.

IT'S "THE MAIN EVENT", NOT "THE MAIN STEVENT"!!!

Turn to the left. Now to the right. Now smell your neighbor's ass. Who's a good usual suspect? Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

LOL the last time I saw people get so excited about one ball in a cup was when I was watching John Kruk. See, I'd just finished finished playing 18, and was on the club's patio overlooking the 14th green having a lemonade with Tom, Greg and Julie, and John, who is an electrician from over in Maple Springs chipped in.…

Wow, well isn't this ironic. Now Douglas is like my Uncle Tom, who's an unemployed alcoholic.

[several months ago]

You know, this is nice. I tried having a relationship like this with a coworker. He was all like "What's up, cracker?" and I was like "Not much, N*****". With a slowly-dawning horror I remembered that my god-given name is Anthony Saltine. Plus this guy was Jewish.

You don't see too many athletes go from football to baseball, and certainly not at such an advanced age.

""I went out and seeked help," Cooper said."

The good news: he's finally been cured of his crippling depression.

Actually, The Grand CYA Exercise is a contest to design pants for Kim Kardashian.

You would think the official water of the MLB would just come uncapped.

So you're telling me all Tebow needs is a change of hemispheres?

Of course it's inaccurate, it's a Tebow ad.

Thanks for this. "Terryble pitch" made me spit coffee.

this is great. I had totally forgotten about john smiley

Really, Jesus and A-Rod are a lot alike - more so than you'd think.