She wants her blue checkmark, is all.

Yeah but the guy who got the pass was definitely onside, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Shoulda gotten a rabbi, very few of them are hot doggers.

Give the guy a break, it’s preseason. His sanctimonious asshole senses aren’t warmed up yet. 

“Poison pill? Isn’t that what the Army gave black people in the ‘40’s?”

Such snowflakes, amirite?

Are we sure it wasn’t ironic racism?

Colonel Sanders descendant: THIS IS A SCURRALOUS DISHONAH, I DUHMAND SATISFACTION.

Sorry Papa John, any take-backs must be made within 30 minutes of the original apology.

Here’s your problem. Look at all that special garlic sauce in his brain!

For all flesh is like grass, and all its glory like a flower of the grass. The grass withers, and the flower drops off, but Tebow getting bonked on the head endures forever.

Yeah but it’s some wacky formula that most people agree does not accurately reflect how good a particular team is. Maybe that’s because it’s impossible for all the top teams to play each other, but the USA once was ranked FOURTH, which ought to tell you all you need to know about the formula.

.261? Talk about a false idol!

My dad used to split us up on two flights, because his theory was that if one of them went down at least half of us would still be around.

Um of course he’s not gonna say anything bad about Stalin, the guy’s right there!

Excellent

NO SOCIAL SECURITY FOR YOU!

Scouting report: Possesses the rare combination of being a zero-tool guy, while also being a tool.

Necessary roughness, imho.

Ah yes, the “Con Air Law.”