A spokesperson for Real Madrid’s new sponsor, Comet Ping Pong, expressed delight at the move.

Wow, I never thought I’d see a bat higher than before Ben Affleck went into rehab.

Um all you people saying this happened in Atlanta are dumb-dumbs. Pillar works for the Blue Jays so Canada rules apply whereever he goes. Look that shit up before you make yourself a fool.

Bad news man. This happened in Canada, where the 1st Amendment requires any offensive speech to be followed by “soary” within 5 seconds.

I can hear all the bullshit now. “Beth make me a sandwich. Beth clean this barbecue sauce stain. Beth tell me again how to adapt my defensive system to the modern game.” Nobody is interested, Rex.

He better stay hidden, because he is due a fastball in the ear for all that showboating.

Well he’s been dead inside for decades.

Gee whiz, I bet these same bleedin’ hearts had no problems humiliating that statue of Coach Joe Paterno, God rest his soul!!

I think it’s more a matter of respect for a formerly living thing.

“That is a great catch, especially because the QB underthrew that, and he displayed tremendous athleticism to make that play, but what does it matter because in a hundred years we will all be formless clouds of gas slowly evaporating into the darkest of voids. And this has been Cutler’s Cuts, brought to you by Arby’s.”

It’s like Boston’s image is forever tainted, as if they’re wearing a scarlet sock or something.

I know what you’re all thinking, but those blisters were actually from Tebow masturbating to a replay of the 2009 BCS title game.

I think the biggest news here is we have proof Princess Di fakes her death.

Progressive snatch pulls

Yes, please, continue to belittle the lower-middle class people due to their choice of dinnerware and clothing. Everything does not have to be a fancy dinner party with craft beer and artisan finger snacks.

Gee whiz, where is this guy’s dedication to footbaw.

Chris Farley is gone, man.

No, it’s ‘cause Loria makes the Traveling Secretary find hotels on Priceline.

“Other than that, how was the softball game, Governor Huckabee?”

WHY ISN’T THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF JUICE