Little know fact, back in the 1960s and 70s, men actually had tiny turkey brains so any time they showered there was always a risk that they would look up at the showerhead and open their mouths, thereby drowning in the process. Because women were too smart to do this, it was actually imperative they every man had a…

So I should cancel all those meetings I just created with my co-workers in the bathroom? Gotcha.

I’m sorry, who the fuck thinks Mommie Dearest is a camp comedy? Last I remembered it was a horrifyingly realistic movie about child abuse.

What, no cat photos? Had to fix that.

I can, and I will:

Wait. The Trump administration is responsible for orchestrating a complex plan that was carefully thought out to produce a predetermined outcome?

Didn’t Dan Savage say this was the ultimate test of someone’s convictions on abortion?

You knew this was how it was gonna go as soon as they figured out the shooter wasn’t a Muslim.

That’s because you think it’s about guns man. It’s about how the government doesn’t want us to remember we got to the moon and ask why haven’t gone back yet.

You must watch Rick and Morty just like me, no way others will understand this.

I heard he’s retiring to spend more time with his boner (s).

What if it’s a conspiracy to prove there is no conspiracy? What then?

At least he believes in carrying his offices to term?

What if this article is part of the plan of the conspiracy to pretend is not a conspiracy?!

If Louise is a psycho, I don’t wanna be sane.

[sonorous fart noise]

What do his bravado and teeth have in common?

Wiki: