What? He couldn’t even spring for a paper towel launcher to entertain the crowd? I’ve gotten t shirts at hockey games with more excitement than that. Cheap ass.

Judge: How do you plead?

Billy: “Your Honor, I plead ‘Not Guilty By Reason of SHEER AWESOMENESS!’”

“Am I going to jail, George?”

“brosecutor”

He’s hoping for a jury of his bros. Hopefully the brosecutor will see right through that cheap cotton.

That is the broiest bro that ever bro’d.

That’s what he wore to court? Looks about right, I guess.

Interesting. Maybe I have a different model but mine is a ‘Sheila’

Guys... you’re doing this all wrong. You’re trying to talk sense to people who will never change. The way to get gun control is to fully support black and brown people getting seriously armed and to start demonstrating our open carry rights in beautiful parades in white neighborhoods. Watch them bust their blood…

which tracks things like kids’ eating and sleeping habits when they’re young, and adapts to answering their questions about long division and sex or whatever as they grow up.

An annoying, intrusive, bossy know-it-all who tries to take over parenting your children? They should call this the “Mother-in-Law” or maybe just the “Marie.”

I thought I was the only one who blamed Chicago for everything. I mean look what they did to pizza, those maroni!

Yeah, this book was way more terrifying than the most super natural of his novels.

To clarify for the young people on this site, Babbage’s was a “store” located in a “shopping mall” where you could buy video games that were placed on “shelves.”

Let it be known that if the state of Florida should ever reject me, please someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery because that is rock fucking bottom right there.

“Y’all don’t come back now, you hear?”

I get all aquiver when he loses control.

Man, he should really take guidance from his wife, who has to deal with tantrums by multiples of eight.

It’s not the coaching staff’s fault that the crowd noise is so intense.