If I could combine this scholarship with that job reviewing ganja in Oregon, I would only be lacking for a source of free pizza. Or am I getting greedy?

The first rule of day care fight club is you don't talk about day care fight club. The second rule of day care fight club is you are a big poopyhead.

I can't imagine why you're even reading it. But what do I know. I'm merely a vegan.

Sockday bloody sockday / and the battle’s just begun

I totally agree. This is straight up horseshit. Elba plays convincing “street” because he is a great actor, not because he is actually a violent psychopath.

This is so vulgar on so many levels. Salinger famously fought bitterly to protect his privacy and legacy from this type of exploitative claptrap. He turned down shitloads of money because he didn’t want his books made into movies. Hell, he even refused to allow anything but plain covers on his books because he didn’t…

I would go with “around now, sort of, or maybe a couple weeks ago, when I last made Albert’s roasted cauliflower recipe.” Belch, bitches!

It helps to also have that adorable face, which earned him the nickname (and superhero identity) “the human dildo.”

Now is not the time to stop eating and/or fucking salad.

I wonder if he was doing that idiotic tomahawk chop on the way down.

Is Sara Lee now a Bimbo?

So what you’re saying is, don't render the Jenner gender fender bender just another bid for tender?

To be fair, Ketryn Anderson sounds like it could be the name of a sexy dame with facial hair hiding under a blanket.

Adulterated turkey bacon... another casualty of the Ashley Madison hack?

We learned a long time ago that Bowa cannot, simply refuses to be constricted.

I do enough embarrassing things myself, there isn't enough embarrassment left over for others.

Falling into the art was itself an act of art. Leonardo would be proud.

If you don’t understand why “hope your baby girl is ready for a good time” sounds rapey, you are either clueless or disingenuous.

“Okay, um, you’re totally doing this wrong, okay?” (Dresses, leaves)

I’ve been on the LSD train and I'm still not sure how the hell to get back.