When I read the headline I naturally assumed it referred to a backlash against Subway’s new bloody sriracha hoagie.

This isn’t meaningful because nowhere do you state how the statistics were derived. If it’s based on self-reporting, the finding may simply indicate that people now feel more comfortable being open about their marijuana use.

I didn't have to - I just looked at the above photo. Then I puked into a mitten.

Like all jokes, it gets funnier the more you explain it!

Yes, especially if it involves Joe Biden snorting Tang out of Elvis’s ass.

$35k? Good lord. Our wedding cost less than a thousand bucks. We had fun, and we’ve been married almost 20 years.

Cut to the knish - that are funny.

I rate that scenario just below the one where Bill Clinton shows up and has sex with a fat bridesmaid in a broom closet.

It's a complicated situation, to be sure. The only thing on which we can all agree is that Kobe is an a-hole and it's all his fault.

Will Ferret?

Someone in Hollywood will make a bundle meerkatting this story.

Xbox 360, which I basically like, is still annoying as hell. Plus my 11-year-old repeatedly crushed me at Madden with his lame-o Seahawks, and I finally hurled the controller across the room and the piece of shit broke.

Agreed. Also the movie was bad to the point of unwatchable. Just a vessel into which to pour his by now utterly banal and predictable fixations.

Black coffee isn’t necessarily bitter. It can have all sorts of wonderful, delicate flavors, if it’s prepared properly.

#IIWII

Don’t forget “it is what it is.”

“the pistons of denatured a cappella”

I call horseshit. The best option is to suck on other people’s greasy napkins and pitch your self-respect into the nearest rubbish bin.

I bet they met up in a confessional or a mop closet and had filthy sex and the pope got pregnant and Kimmy didn’t let him forgive hisself for having a bortion.

I thought “orbital bone” referred to sex on a satellite. Oh well.