He's bitter! He's butter! He's better... than an out-and-out fascist! Wait that's not true.

Frats as an institution are brainless. They promote the lowest common denominator of human behavior. This is true of many other institutions too - e.g., meth-fueled biker gangs - but the others aren't officially sanctioned at universities.

The secret to a fulfilling marriage is one small three-letter word...

One word: Biffy Bidet.

Tits are fine, as long as you keep them squeegeed. Rudy Giuliani told me that once.

Shanks but no shanks

Don’t rule out “Oozing with the Ouzounians.” Tell me you wouldn't watch.

Hijacked jets can still knock down walls.

Ironically he later died by choking on a gourd in his neck.

“Multiple stab sounds” - a somewhat regrettable typo.

Oprah doesn’t tweet “at” people... She tweets WITH the thrumming eternal spiritual oneness of them.

Maybe he was trying to help others become litter-ate?

Clearly you're not using the authoritative 1803 edition!

Not disinterested, uninterested. Get it right, Fingerboy!

Has any battle between whiny, rich, famous white dudes ever been as boring as the late night wars?

Also I think Dostoevsky should be named as a co-conspirator, since this sounds like something that would happen in one of his extra-sick-and-twisted tales.

For Bieber tickets I would most certainly pretend to be a doctor and perform all sorts of weird and fiendishly unnecessary surgeries. (On Justin Bieber.)

OMG, I’ve totally had the opposite problem! I was in the middle of puking when some dude dashed over and tried to stanch the chunkitude with his freeky-deeky dickaroni. I was like, “dude! this ain’t that type of party!” At least that’s what I thought.

I thought it was a decent article but left out a few important pointers like:

Can I just tell you I have listened to that O&H CD at least 10,000 times? I think it’s the only thing they’ve done though, which is a shame.