Some dame has a freezing cold orifice, and expects men to fix the problem? Sounds like an issue for HR, honey.

He wets his panties? That's nothing - I shit in the bed!

A couple of other interesting points about Olajuwan: first, he only started playing basketball a couple of years before he suited up at Houston. Secondly, there is a documentary about Amar’e Stoudemire from a few years back where it shows Stoudemire making a pilgrimage to see Hakeem in Houston to get a tutorial about…

Bottom line, Jerry got laid a lot, unlike the dipshit who wrote this.

Created to “bring out the humor in the women’s liberation movement.” - sounds like it takes very little time to play...

“What I’m going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting.” - sounds like Donald Trump in one of his rare romantic moods.

Vox verily vile and vapid? I concur.

Russell Wilson finally got himself a maid?

What can one say about this product? It’s not what you zinc it is.

I’m a do-nothing bitch. At least that's what my wife tells me when she gets home from work. Then I weep into my artisanal beard.

I like it... combines recycling and job creation!

But the ethically and ecologically sound answer is obvious: you fling the dirty diaper onto Donald Trump’s rubbery-ass face.

Speaking of responsible mothering, why wasn't Trump aborted and/or strangled at birth?

“Furthermore, why is it even called a ‘football’? Have you ever seen me kick one? Huh? Huh?”

The only worthwhile thing about Aspartame is that it’s an anagram of “a sperm tear,” which accurately encapsulates its “mouth feel.” Or so I’ told by the gents down at the Sunoco station.

I need to know how Julia Roberts feels about this, or that delicious Richard Gere. Anyway every time I self-pleasure myself I force myself to put a shiny penny in the milk can. Frankly I’m tired of this persecution! Okay that’s bullshit - it totally turns me on.

I would, but only if he promised not to whine about the officiating afterwards.

Kid Snerkadelic thinks thou dost protest a tad too much.

He seems like a dick, but mad respeck for the 36-inch chain.

Wow...she is a knockout!