Outfuckingstanding.

“He tried to kill himself by taking every sleeping pill in a bottle.” (Unfortunately, there were only three pills in the bottle at the time.)

Better to sleep in a trashcan with wifi than a hotel room without.

You're right, he's a DR - a Disgusting Rapist. Thanks for clarifying!

Tyrese? Is this why they say the subway gets a bad rap? Hahaha...ha? I guess not.

“I can’t feel my face / what are we smoking anyway / don’t let the high go to waste / novacaine baby” (Frank Ocean)

Sounds oddly parallel to arguments about why the Confederate flag shouldn’t be erased from public consciousness. I think the impulse is, “This is too painful to contemplate... hide it somewhere where I don’t have to look at it.”

Is this the movie where the toddler disappears with the infant through an invisible passageway into the bowels of hell? Or the one where if you look directly into the infant’s creepily glowing eyes your brain immediately melts into radioactive goo?

“The lights go out / the smell of doom / is creeping in your lonely room / the bed’s on fire / your fate is sealed / you’re so tired / and the reason is Camille” - file under “prescience of Prince lyrics “

Is Kylie the one who used to be Bruce? If so I am reminded of that scientific truism, “How do you make a hormone? Beat it with a whip!”

Stealing them was a stupid, heartless, cowardly thing to do.

Beige. A jacket color I will henceforth associate with the reek of sex wafting from walk-in refrigeration units.

My momma always tole me, “treat Parsons the way you want Parsons to treat you.” Then she beat me with a hot wheel track.

If she loves America, then why was she licking a FRENCH CRULLER? Explain that to me!

Don’t forget “in the road, moments before being obliterated by an ice cream truck.”

When I think of Key and Peele as pirates, I think of pirates peeing on a keel.

Manatee trannies all up in da HOUSE

Hard to imagine a family comparable to the Bushes in terms of working so little and profiting so handsomely from those meager efforts.

As a current Jew and future zombie, I feel like I should be offended. Unfortunately I have no idea what you mean.