“The best selfies are the ones you’re not in.”

Well, if this ends up being the last thing Cole ever does as a Phillie, I’ll take it.

He’s on the record as saying nice things about Puerto Ricans, though. I even heard him say, “There’s no such thing as bad PR.”

No no, Mars is in regression, which means we’re playing under Marquisse du Queensbury rules until the unnamed Orphan finds the ox-bone in his cake, at which point we revert to the original unwritten rules, carried by a blind mystic who pronounces who shall be hit and when from his cave high in the Andes.

To strike out swinging.

You had me at “Colin Cowherd needs to stop talking.”

I thought you had to get to Mornington Crescent? Or is that only in the Adapted Dutchess of Kent Cricket-variant rules (1931-b)?

If you’re the Diamondbacks pitcher here, and you happen to disagree with the decision to throw at Yelich, you’re in a position where your boss is basically saying to you “I want you to intentionally throw this rock 95 mph at another human being. If you don’t do it, you’re fired, and I’ll probably talk shit about you…

I thought the rule was you had reveal the magician by burying the pea in the flank of a swing man after you’ve been issued a physical challenge. Clear physical challenge here and, honestly, I was pretty sure Yelich was the designated magician. That wasn’t the case, but hindsight is 50/50. Reveal the magician with a…

Glad he found a new hobby in retirement. That’s some impressive James Hetfield cosplay.

The guy hit 488 career doubles and somehow people are surprised that he still knows how to find his way to second base.

Right after he grabs the boob, L.J. Hoes steps out of the box and grabs his junk.

Jeff Bagwell Pays Tribute To Killer Bs

This whole thing sucks, but this + the comments below are a beautiful tribute to a human being. Not to be all hippy dippy and shit, but we’re all better people than our worst moments, and I hope all of you guys find a way out of this, Craggs included, where your friendship endures and your careers continue to…

It sucks to have a good friend lose their job. At this point, I don’t really care why or how, just to say that any friendship you have can go beyond the job, and maybe give you a chance to return the kindness Tommy gave to you.

Came for the conspiracy theory, stayed for the Master Blaster music.

Tiger would have killed for that chance, considering a raven is as close to an eagle as he’ll ever get.