“I guess the only right move KD could have made would be to take less bucks to go to the Knicks”

Quick! Someone get me a beagle! I’m going to go yell at my boss.

No Chris Christie will take it home and try to wear it. He’ll look in the mirror with it on, bulging at the seams, and pretend to talk to Dallas Cowboys reporters on the state of the team. His wife will knock on the bedroom door and say, “Chris what are you doing in there?!” He’ll feverishly reply “Nothing honey! I’m…

Not all is lost. He has a fortnight to receive the fist bump that he deserves.

*interlocks finger, cracks knuckles, proceeds to write*

The tiny monster that lives inside the saggy flesh suit we know as Jerry Jones has a caustic reaction to marijuana smoke. If players just start lighting up around him the tiny monster will be forced to slither out the anus of the flesh suit and burrow back down to the depths of hell from where it came. Do the math…

They should be named after Montecore. The tiger that mauled Roy.

*Stares at English Degree* I appreciate you clearing that up. I’m gonna go write another paper on The Odyssey and never talk about finance again.

Dumb question ahoy!

Public calamity? Oh god, that sounds worse than a public kerfuffle!

I heard that was the third ring he had to send back. He was really confused when he got one that had the last name NuvaRing on the box.

This could mean nothing...or it could mean everything.

He’s fucked. I read over his rookie contract and he’s ignoring an important clause that he agreed to later. Page 9 Article IV subsection c: When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way.

C’mon. Draymond was just trying to point at Lue having a horrific flashback.

That is the most Jeff Van Gundy story in the world. Talking about something back in the day while stroking his own dick in the process.

Your rational look at recent historical evidence has no place in this comment section. Be gone with you!

hashtag Deceiveland

Wear crotchless pants to distract Draymond’s feet.

Compared to the Crab Fries I regretfully dropped onto the warning track of Citizens Bank two years ago, that Bud Light Lime bottle may as well been a ninja star. Security consoled me after they saw those fallen fries of deliciousness on the ground and the Chief of Police sent me a hand written letter of condolences.…

But what does that make of his cat makeup? There’s so many layers to this!