Top-shelf reporting Ashley, as always. Now troll him on Twitter. Suck it, Woodward & Bernstein!

Jet fuel can’t stretch a shitty joke that far. Enjoy your afternoon.

You’ll feel like a real dick when you find out he had a fatal stroke at the keyboard.

This is the best list in months. Now do the other sports.

During the MNF game, Jon Gruden decreed that Larry Fitzgerald’s decision to retire this winter was preposterous. Gruden’s entire argument was that Fitz is still good and fun to watch and on track to break Jerry Rice’s reception record by, oh, age 40 or so. That’s all true enough.

Full agreement. Thinking about it now, Thompson and Trump are remarkably similar, insofar as they’re both incomprehensible, impossibly cartoonish sociopaths with a barely-believable nearness to an elected public office. I wonder, if it were Hunter v Hillary, who’d be the lesser evil?

The man made a living of being “pretentious, annoying, and a bit of a dick” (to put it charitably). In a perfect world, he’d still be with us, moderating tonight’s debate alongside Hunter Thompson. That’d be the sort of spectacle this tire fire deserves.

“39,105,433,077,180,270 bytes free”

It is if you aren’t good at debating. All the prep in the world wouldn’t save either Trump or Clinton from being eviscerated in debate by a hungover and entirely unready Hitchens, rest his soul.

Stench matters! It’s been years since I shat a solid log, so I can’t compete in the size department (though I’ve left some impressive slushy mounds that occasionally peak well above the water’s surface). My dumps do, however, reek strongly of Jack Daniels’ sickly sweet aroma, as countless victims have noted in…

Yeah, yeah, and the Sulzbergers are seventh cousins of Ghandi and Hitler, and their paper will endorse for president the wife of a former president, who they are also seventh cousins to, and everyone is related to everyone else and they’re all hiding cash in their mattresses. Journalism!

Yeah. No doubt both parties were hoping this would slip under the radar, and it nearly did.

You cut the “plasma” quote short and left out the “lol”. She’s a funny lady.

Anyone who types “shit” and self-censors “fuck” in a single sentence is a fucking shithead.

Never thought I’d be rooting for the god damned Niners, and certainly not over anything non-football-related. Thanks, Bills fans. Fuck you.

In my admittedly limited time spent watching hockey, I’ve never seen a team pull its goalie in the first period of a scoreless game. How common/stupid is this tactic?

“I’m just doing what’s right, now.” Ye gods. I’d be more inclined to believe that this beacon of altruism is being paid to actively sabotage Doe’s case.

Maybe he just got over it, and earned the right to promote (demote?) himself. Two decades spent on UO/WoW is a pretty brief but impressive resumé. Still must’ve gotten stale.

Regardless-Romo is a good player who doesn’t deserve to get shit on. But this looks an awful lot like Brady/Bledsoe in 2000.

But right now, with Prescott without Romo, the Cowboys are winning. That complicates things even further nothing.