Umm yeah, that was kinda my original point?

Sorry.

I read “The Da Vinci Fart” in the middle of a meeting and I had an involuntary spit-cackle-spasm that I tried to cover up with a cough and it led into an entire conversation about my seasonal allergies, I don’t even have seasonal allergies

First time I’ve seen on of these and thought, “Yeah, that kind of works.”

I thought I recognized that guy...

“There are so many things we can talk about,” the senator said, “the breakdown of the family structure, the lack of fathers, the lack of a moral code in our society.”

Yeah but when people say that it’s a low key way of saying, “Please stop talking about racism because it makes me uncomfortable”. Dismissing what’s happening now will not change the future. Again, tell the white people all of this, “we are all one race” bullshit. Not the black people who are yelling, “we are all one…

I think he should have to play the first 4 games with a ball COMPLETELY deflated... Like ur dad makin u smoke the whole pack when he catches you smoking cigs! Ha!

FUCK. THAT.

Celebrities don’t care about the drought because they are all lizard people. Finally things are looking up for famous (lizard) people.

I feel bad for kids that are homeless and hungry. This pampered little twit owns a house, for fuck’s sake.

I don’t know if she's wearing a grill on her teeth or what but it's not flattering at all because her mouth looks bloody.

"Happy Motherfucker's Day, Mom! You're the best pimp in the world!"

What a coincidence, because I was thinking about Idris Elba when I broke my own speed record.

Magnises

This is going to sound so dumb, but I JUST realized that the lead singer is a woman! I had no idea. Her voice is absolutely incredible.

Since when have “dadbods” not been celebrated? Adam Sandler, Stephen Colbert, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Will Forte, Ty Burrell, Bob Odenkirk, Rainn Wilson... I can keep going. The list of famous, wealthy men on tv/in movies with “dadbods” numbers in the hundreds. The list of famous, wealthy women on tv/in movies…