And like that, the laughs of a million Steelers fans were suddenly silenced.

Shel Silverstein is the greatest poet that ever lived. I will fight anyone that disagrees.

That is literally not what he was saying...

You have to earn lines like that ... usually with a slurred, half-hoarse voice, followed by a clearing of the jowls.

Long live the ghost of Harry Carey. Y-E-R-A-C.

Unbelievably, I had to correct this from “100% TRUMP supporter” to “110% TRUMP supporter.” 

I know exactly how Andrew Luck feels. I mean, I don’t have a degree from Stanford or a bunch of athletic ability or millions of dollars or a super-high IQ. But I have been booed by people in Indianapolis. And my boss does a lot of drugs.

“I haven’t felt normal in a long time. I don’t [remember] normal. I’m not saying that I feel bad. You think the way you feel is normal, and it’s not. I can be better than this. If I get to the goal that I set, I’ll be behind the plate.” 

I felt really bad for O.J. Simpson until I remembered I don’t give a shit about anyone’s fantasy football team, and also that time he killed his ex-wife and a waiter.

I hope that NFL players take note of the lack of empathy people have shown Andrew Luck during this entire process. Don’t feel guilty about hold-outs for more money. Get as much money as you can and get the hell out before it becomes a detriment to your health. 

Dearest Peyton,
I have heard since your departure from our legion years ago that you won several battles and a decorated retirement, and have been spending the time since soapboxing wares and entertaining. How doest thou? Any tips for a fellow soldier who also limps away, albeit with less medals?

— Andrew

Dearest Mother,

Man. He got hit in the head so repetitively his son went crazy.

Nobody star this.

Wow, he’s really lucky, because, while they take drug offenses super-seriously in New Hampshire, they recently repealed the death penalty. Not only that, but hanging was still on the books in NH as one of the possible means of execution, until earlier this year! So, he won’t have to worry about mobs of people…

Was it at least TB12 brand cocaine?

Counterpoint: this guy might be an idiot and a troll.

Provel FC

This is a Wildcat.  This is what all of these teams are named after. It’s just a slightly bigger outside cat.  That’s it.  Just a fucking kinda bigger cat.  So what, it can maybe suffocate a slightly larger and stronger baby?  How has this little shit become the default name for teams that aren’t original enough to…

Counterpoint: Battlehawks is the worst non-MLS name in sports.

Kind of a long winded way to call the guy a dick.