I only ever see female doctors for pretty much anything that involves being undressed (dentist is a guy). Then I came down with uterine cancer, and my oncologist is a man because he is one of the best robotic surgeons in NYC. He is wonderful - the softest, most gentle hands, very very sweet and an all-around lovely…

14 bottles of wine = 350 ounces = 2+ gallons = 8600 calories.

Yeah, act like an adult, huh? Sure. There's a good reason for doing the fadeaway ...

Oiks. People always think they are so freaking clever.

I wound up with a whole fish at a fancy restaurant when I was in high school. The eyeball looking at me freaked me out too much to eat it for a long while, then I said Fuck It and put a napkin over his face and ate every bite.

This isn't about saving money. It's about profits for the beef industry and sticking it to Michelle Obama. They don't give a shit about nutrition, money, really anything.

If it weren't going to be expensive and painful, I would love to one day get a complete Miss America makeover — hair, makeup, tan, vaseline on teeth, whatever weird undergarments. Just to see what I'd look like. It's so weirdly alien.

Far as I know, they only broadcast the reading of the names in NYC, where there are a LOT of people who were directly affected and still need to hear the names. Twenty years from now, I doubt this will matter anymore. For now, it does. Again, if you don't like it, find something else to listen to for those three…

They also said that the dogs pretty obviously knew that the rescuers were pretending, but the dogs played along too because they knew that it made everyone (dogs and people) feel better.

I'm sure if you don't know anyone who was there, the reading of the names must be very dull and annoying.

A co-worker/friend got married in India and had over 3000 people at her wedding. It was held in a stadium and she says she only knew about 200 of those people.

Pear vodka and tonic is sublime.

On a hot day, try either Pink Grapefruit or Pear Vodka and tonic. Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic and super refreshing on a hot day.

Marshmallow Vodka and Ginger Ale is really very tasty too.

My sister ADORES honey cake, the kind Jews make at Rosh Hashanah. She moved somewhere with no Jews at all and didn't have honey cake for years and years because she couldn't find the mix and can't cook. Someone gave her a box of the mix and she was THRILLED.

I will say this .... there is a terrible disease that seems to strike women who live outside of NYC once they hit about 40 or 45 or so. This disease causes them to cut their hair off (and sometimes frost it, gack), wear very boxy tops and loose pants that end about a foot from their ankle bone. They finish this look…

The best thing about that whole family is that I doubt a single one of them gives even the tiniest fuck what anyone else thinks about them. I cannot wait to see the kids as they grow up - every last one of them is cool as hell. Poor Suri Cruise is gonna look like dogmeat next to them.

One day, I was coming out of the subway and right on the stairs was the hugest poop I've ever seen in my life. It wasn't a wide log; instead, it was the longest perfectly curled spiral — just one, perfect, long, unbroken spiral. It would likely be too much poop to fit in my gallon soup pot.

I still cannot understand why angrily shouting "Merry Christmas" at a complete stranger is somehow considered to be Christlike. I am guessing that "Merry Christmas" is not actually considered a sincere wish that the other person should have a joyous holiday; instead, is this some sort of mandatory religious…

I am a bunch of people's "white friend". I am a rich smart attractive middle-aged white lady with a snazzy accent earned from years of the finest Connecticut education.