My brother in law does this too. My sister is Jewish. By definition, their children are Jewish.

Similar to my best only in NY story .... my sister was visiting me in the city from Florida. First, we went to Bloomingdales shoe department, where my sister was totally tweaked by the pair of siamese twins there (remember the ones connected at the head? One stood and the other was in a high chair wheelchair? …

I'm quite sweary, though I really try (fairly unsuccessfully, I guess) to swear in front of my nieces. They are used to auntie saying "MotherFUCKER! Uh, don't repeat what auntie just said!" or "Fucking hell! ... Don't tell mommy what auntie said"

Perhaps this is a stupid question .... but, seeing as the song is called "Hello Kitty", um, shouldn't there be some actual Hello Kitty in there?

The only punk rock thing Avril Lavigne ever had was eyeliner. She is not and never was punk. If I held up one hand, and you ran as fast and as far as you could in the opposite direction, and kept running until you were in the farthest corner of the known universe and then held up your hand, the distance between our…

I am powerless over Jelly Beans. You can put me in a room and surround me with cookies (even Girl Scout Thin Mints), Ice Cream, cake, pie, chocolate, whatever, and I'm fine. I love all those things, but I can eat or not eat and I'm OK.

If you want to protect your daughter, make sure you show her what a good relationship looks like by treating her mother respectfully, dividing up household chores responsibly and not dumping all tasks that require care to the women, helping to prepare and clean up meals rather than sitting at the table waiting to be…

Oh, do pray tell exactly what modifications you have deemed acceptable for other people? Is makeup OK? How about nose jobs? Hair dye? Contact lenses? Tooth whitening? Eyebrow shaping?

The "elevenses" are the two vertical lines right between your eyebrows.

These women have quarts of the stuff injected into every possible muscle in their faces and look freaky.

Try Mario Badescu! Fantastic stuff, really amazing, and surprisingly inexpensive. Not much more pricey than drugstore stuff. His Vitamin C serum has made my skin perfect.

I was in Henri Bendel's about 8 or 10 years ago, when they still had a lingerie department. I noticed a woman in there who looked awfully familiar and was trying to figure out how I knew her. Too much younger to be a classmate, maybe from work?

My 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Vinette, was absolutely horrible to me for absolutely no reason. I used to dream about growing up to become a heart surgeon in hopes that one day Mrs. Vinette could come to me begging me to save her life so I could refuse. That was in 1978. I hope she's dead by now.

Seriously, I promise you that the delivery guy could no more give a shit how much food you ordered.

First, figure out what your sponsor gets out of the arrangement — access to a hard-to-reach demographic, coolness cred, support for the arts, diversity if possible. And, figure out what tangible things they get — press release announcing partnership, special guest saying something nice about them, mention on invites,…

That's my sister too — she is grotesquely allergic to garlic. Not just doesn't like it. A little garlic (even dregs on the grill or a pan that wasn't washed well) and she gets explosively ill. If you don't like something, say that. Don't pretend you will "literally die" unless it is true.

Sadly, my sister really is allergic to garlic. A real garlic allergy can be super unpleasant - she's got about 20 minutes and then, uh, explosive results. From both ends. People who lie about allergies suck.

Yesterday morning, I sat on my floor and wept for easily 10 minutes because I just.could.not.put.on.those.fucking.tights.

You don't think people driving cars are dependent upon government for transportation?

Knitting or crocheting is different from a regular enjoyable task. It is repetitive and simple and requires just a bit of attention and some basic counting. It requires small precise motion and can be quite trancelike. It really is very very soothing.