Do you feel in control?

Did you literally call your own theory “pretty good”? You can’t just label your own written work like that. It’s not like you built a dog house that didn’t fall down.

I’m really excited to see an athlete get mugged during the 110 Meter Hurdles.

SPORTS REPORTER: Who will be your starter Week 5?
BELICHICK: Jesus Christ
SPORTS REPORTER: So Tom Brady is the definite choice?

Not all heroes wear capes.

Mainly because they cut them up because they’re itchy.

He’s made bolder claims:

Now, THIS is a type of message you save the comic sans font for!

Also standing in the way is the strange sense of entitlement of the New York media that other teams are ready and willing to trade away their brightest prospects for Yankees table scraps. Cashman told the media he thinks Kyle Schwarber is a 50-home run bat - and the Cubs would trade him for a Relief Pitcher (a great…

My GAWD, that’s Paul Clement’s music playing!

There’s always next felony!

And now for the show itself. Skip ahead to about the 10:00 mark and wait for Drew to start yelling:

Does corporate know what you’re spending their non-existent money on?

I suppose this is the inevitable start of Tim Tebow’s political career.

I don’t mind Christianity, I don’t even particuarly mind fundimental Christianity, but I will not be lectured on morals by anyone willing to support a narcissistic, hate-filled monster like Trump.

“Hey, it worked for clapping.” - Jeb Bush

What can you expect from four guys who mistake San Diego, of all places, for Canada?

I don’t know how Lamb perfectly copied my wedding reception dance moves there.

Jesus fuck, Tim.

Man can described near perfection particles that are invisible to the naked eye, but the NFL can’t fucking define the word “catch.”

CBS, in lieu of an apology for their earlier mistaken report, will create a complicated counterfactual universe where Durant joined the Celtics with fake highlights and box scores.

that either features people broadcasting from the future or reporting a story before it actually happened.