Tim Burton’s original redesign for the Oompa-Loompas was rejected when viewers started projectile vomiting, had their hair turn stark white, and, in extreme cases, ripped their own eyes out.

But frankly, neither team could have lay a finger on the Harlem Globtrotters during their peak.

The remainder of Sandoval’s belts will be given to David Ortiz, who plans to use them as wristbands.

“Swamp Dragons” is like a fake team name they would use in a Will Ferrell sports comedy because they couldn’t afford the rights to use an actual NBA team.

The fact Schwarber didn’t break anything on the play proves the theory cavemen bones are twice as thick of modern men.

It’s still up. #ChevyBaseball does not allow deletions.

Wait.

What Kevin appears to be saying is a basketball GM’s main job will always be talent evaluator, and if you can’t do that you shouldn’t have the job. Saying he’s a weak talent evaluator is not a “weakness” that can be worked around, it’s almost the entire job.

I cam imagine Gregg Popovich reading Hinkie’s registration magnum opus and say aloud to no one in particular, “Where’s the damn basketball talk? Did he run a tech company or a basketball team?”

If you’re going to make a post for every terrible Hawk Harrelson home run call, remove the 500 Days of Kristin posts. You’re gonna need the room.

“The Cubs are not in our heads!” said Mike Matheny to the befuddled waitress about to ask him how he wanted his eggs to be prepared. “And Joe Maddon’s glasses make him look like some sort of dork!”

LIKE KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN IT IS MORE FUN THAN KILLING WILD GAME IN THE FORREST BECAUSE MAN IS THE MOST DANGEROUE ANAMAL OF ALL TO KILL SOMETHING GIVES ME THE MOST THRILLING EXPERENCE IT IS EVEN BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF WITH A GIRL THE BEST PART OF IT IS THAE WHEN I DIE I WILL BE REBORN…

*JOSH HARRIS with a bunch of security guards enters SAM HINKIE’s office*
HARRIS: I’m sorry about this, Sam. These men are here to escort you out.
*SAM HINKIE staring intently at a TV screen*
HINKIE (not removing his eyes from the screen): No... Don’t you get it?
*Cut to TV screen, Donald Trump is triumphantly waving to a…

We’re exactly two weeks away from B-FiBs going from “Mike Matheny was robbed of Manager of the Year!” to “Bring Me the Head of Mike Matheny.”

I’m only slightly giddy.

What, are you kidding me? This is a billion dollar franchise! Nostalgia? Donnie, give Tulo a damn glove!

Seth Davis is relieved that even at these astronomical sums, none of this money will go directly to corrupting the players.

How on Earth did they decide Mossack Fonseca was the fourth largest offshoring law firm? What are the three larger firms? Should we be trying to get them on the record?

Mind you, contrary to popular belief, the salary cap is not actually found in the Constitution. It’s just something the owners made up for perhaps good reasons, perhaps bad. And while the Broncos can’t unilaterally revoke it when it serves the purposes, right now it IS serving their purposes. They can legitimately sit…

Stupid, drunk, and intently studying ABC’s hit show The Bachelor is no way to go through life, son.

At least Mr. Tar Heel showed up. Mr. Orange is too busy trying to win the Wisconsin primary with a fuzzy message on abortion.