Rocks fall.  Everybody dies.

“including that bit where Lizzy Caplan explodes”

Mate. No Pole Position? It has everything - cool vehicles, dodgy haircuts, irritating child and questionable animal sidekicks!

The “What the actual fuckery has she got on her head?” that was Miss Bolivia...

Eh, I prefer my company’s three fonts of choice: Helvetica, Century Gothic and Tahoma.  Comic Sans was ceremoniously deleted from all company systems about three years ago (we had cake and pizza) and there’s plans to purge the system of dyslexia-unfriendly fonts from our systems pending a study we’ve commissioned. …

Oh hell no, Luke “Cat’s Arse Mouth” Gralia’ll be along in a minute.  

Aye, okay weebo.

I don’t know about you, but rotten half-dead cow sounds like a feast for our wee stabby arachnid friends...

Fuck this guy.  Restrain him, get a cattle prod, crank up the juice and apply it directly to his fucking skull.  Repeat as required.

but there’s no allergy that requires a waffle burger.

I like your thinking.  Give them tiny wee pistols too.  And whips.

You leave the adorable wee critters alone! What have they done to you to deserve that fate? Tsk!  #JusticeForScorpions

Were the two cunts fighting each other to prove that they were the bigger cunt or that they have cunts and didn’t believe the other cunt had a cunt and thus got cunty with the other cunt? This cunt needs answers!

I’m all for the employees grabbing the chubby diabetic hands of the TikTwatters and slamming faces into a hot waffle press.  I’ll even loan them the money to throw hot oil in some petulant fat fuck’s face for demanding a “gourmet” treat.  Order off the fucking menu, stop eating like your healthcare’s free and get a…

Oh god, don’t confuse the Americans. We’ve only got those mouthbreathers to process the concept of the NHS...oh, no, we didn’t. Okay, map time!

Well, kudos to Mme Harkawik for trying something new, but I’ll say this: if you’re going French, you can’t beat the mighty jambon-buerre. Get yourself a nice crusty (preferably freshly-baked as in “still warm”) baguette, cut it open (resist the temptation to nom the pillowy interior), spread liberally with proper…

Yeoh on her way to slap some sense into someone...

Here’s a question for you: why do you eat like your healthcare is free?

You know, I’ve not committed arson in such a long time.  Where’s my accelerants?

Adam Scott looks like a confused middle-aged schoolteacher known as Barb. Andrew Garfield’s fake tan almost blends in with the colour of his outfit (daring choice, coming as a budget sofa).  Bella Ramsay looks exceedingly cool.  Matt Smith has no eyebrows.  What is a Glen Powell?  Sheryl Lee Ralph looks gorgeous. …